The Garden
by Smelly Pirate Hooker
Summary: A story involving a guy, a couple of chicks, some angels, and a Serpent.  There's always a bloody Serpent.
1. 1 It's Raining Man and Woman

**The all-important disclaimer: I have pulled from many different belief-systems to write this story. Some people might disagree with parts of it (or all of it). However, since they are all just fairy tales anyway it doesn't really matter how I mix n' match them. I hope you enjoy revisiting the Good ol' boys from "The Creation"as well as meeting the new characters that populate the garden. I invite you to R&R. And please feel free to smite me if the mood strikes you. Everyone needs a good smiting every now and then. **

**Chapter 1 – It's Raining Man (and Woman)**

"Do you like my garden?" asked God as he waved aside a giant, feathery leaf so that Michael could pass beneath it.

Michael passed huffily and wondered if God knew that Sataniel had given Gabriel and Raphael the idea for this garden. "For the millionth time, yes. It's spectacular. Why do you keep asking?"

"I just like to hear you say it. And for the record, who do you think gave Sataniel the idea in the first place?"

Michael shut his mouth and turned his thoughts in the direction of his suddenly super itchy skin. He reached behind his back and scratched at the place where his wing attached to his torso. It had been itching like crazy since shortly after their arrival in the garden and every time he scratched it it seemed to get worse. Yet he couldn't _not_ scratch it.

"You know how the hairy animals made me sneeze? I think I'm allergic to something down here, too," he muttered.

"Probably," said God.

"Why probably?"

"Because you're a wuss."

"Gee, thanks. I have no idea what that means but I'm going to assume it's not something good."

"It's not."

Michael thought for a moment and snapped back, "Well, neither are allergies but hey, they can't all be winners." God flashed Michael an angry look and kept walking. They both knew Michael was talking about Sataniel and the fallen angels, as they had come to be known. And also about the initial freak show angels who were even now up in Xanadu warbling and wailing and generally murdering what could have been a beautiful hymn. The wounds were still fresh. Apparently God wasn't ready to talk about it.

Michael caught up to God and they continued in silence. They had come down to the garden shortly after God had sent Adam and Lilith down. Almost immediately after they left God had looked pained and said that something was wrong. He had grabbed Michael and dived off of a cloud, taking Michael with him. And now they were walking in the garden and Michael still really had no idea why.

"What are we looking for, anyway?" asked Michael.

God stopped and smiled and then took off to the left. "There it is."

Michael followed slowly, clambering over exposed roots and under low branches slung with curtains of moss. He didn't have far to go to see what had brought God to earth. God knelt on the bank of the river beside a pile of something that might have been skin and might have been mud. Or perhaps it was muddy skin. Either way it looked wrong.

"What is that?" he asked, though he felt certain he already knew the answer.

"Adam and Lilith had a little accident. Apparently humans don't bounce. I certainly didn't see that coming."

"Well, now we know not to push them off of clouds. At least they still landed in the garden. So now what?"

"Now we make them again. Help me put them back together."

"No, I really don't think that's necessary. Just wave your hands or something and say 'abracadabra' and make them look right again." Michael backed away from the misshapen pile of ex-people.

"No, Michael," God said with such force that Michael was rooted to the spot. "We need to put them right, reshape them, and then breathe into them once more."

"You can do that. I'm good here. I'll keep watch for . . . for whatever badness might be lurking out there."

"This is the garden, Michael. There is an angel with a flaming sword at the gates. No one and nothing is getting in here that I do not wish to have passage. Remember that. Now get down here and get your hands dirty. It will do you good."

Michael felt that tingle in his soul that he had come to despise. It compelled him to obey, to respond as God would have him respond. He knelt down beside God and grimaced as his hands moved of their own accord and started pulling pieces from the pile. Some were firm and identifiable: a leg here, an arm there, a handful of errant fingers, a half-crushed skull. Some bits were just mush and Michael could only guess at what they had been before the fall. Luckily there was very little gore. It seemed that, upon impact, a great portion of both bodies had returned to the clay from which they had been formed. And for that he was grateful.

"You're welcome," said God as they worked.

Michael shook his head. He would never get used to God plucking the thoughts from his brain. They worked together in silence, each unearthing items from the pile and placing them aside into a vaguely human shape. Once all of the identifiable parts were in place God took a hunk of clay and placed it in the empty spaces in Man's body and began to shape it to fill in the gaps. Michael noticed that Man's head had remained perfectly intact in the fall but God started adding clay to reshape the nose anyway. Michael smiled to himself and bit his tongue. God had been adamant that Man would look like him instead of Sataniel. And now he was making good on that promise.

Michael started in with Woman. Her torso had disintegrated upon impact and so he started there, forming the clay into the general shape of a flat, firm stomach and rounding it out to fit into the swell of her still-intact hips. Due to the lack of privacy, when Michael formed her watermelons he tried to think of other things, things like clouds and the sounds of the nearby river, and baseball. What's baseball? He wondered. He decided to concentrate on that as his hands clasped her now voluptuous mounds because he had run out of ideas.

"It's a game, my child," said God softly, "It's played with balls."

"Aren't all games played with balls?"

"The good ones are . . . There!"

Michael jumped and fell backwards. "What?"

"We're finished."

Michael looked and, indeed God was correct. As Michael had been distracted his hands had moved on their own to complete Woman's body. Though she was now mottled gray and brown and beige and glistening in places with river slime, he could see that she would once again be the beauty she had been before. Except for one thing.

"Why are they connected?" Michael asked. It looked as if God had built a bridge of clay between Man's and Woman's shoulders. "That looks wrong."

God shrugged and ginned, "I thought it could be kind of exciting to watch. Like if they tried to run. We can connect them at the hip instead and give them three legs. You have to admit that it would be fun to watch them stumble around . . ."

"God, I have to say this and please don't get offended, but you're kind of an asshole." Michael thought he might as well say it out loud since God already knew what he was thinking. He thanked Sataniel for giving him the courage to speak out loud without wincing or wallowing in guilt.

At the thought of his fallen brother Michael winced. Sataniel had been a huge pain and a lot of work but at the same time he had taught Michael more about the nature of angels than God had ever offered.

Without looking up from his creations God said softly, "I did not fail you, Michael, no matter what you may think. And his name is no longer Sataniel. If you must refer to him at all then call him Satan. He is no longer your brother, but your adversary. You would do well to remember this in the future."

"You're changing his name?" Michael asked in a hushed voice. For some reason the name change struck him as more permanent than his brother's actual fall from Xanadu.

"And I'm changing the name to Heaven. Satan was a dick but he was right, Xanadu is a stupid name."

"See, why do you do this? How are you so many different people at the same time? You change so quickly I have no idea how I'm supposed to approach you at any given moment."

"I know. It's awesome, isn't it?"

"It's exhausting."

"Awesomely exhausting." God gestured to the prone clay bodies before them. "You ready for this?"

"Almost," Michael answered. He reached over and used his fingers to scrape the clay bridge that connected her to Man. "OK, now I'm ready."

God sighed, "Party pooper." Then he leaned over and breathed into Woman's mouth. As God exhaled into her slightly parted lips her clay skin began to pale. It softened and became smooth. Her chest rose. Then it rose again. And again. She was alive. Michael noticed that when God sat back up he had a puzzled look on his face, as if something were concerning him. But Michael didn't have a chance to ask because God immediately gave Man the breath of life. And it wasn't until God sat back on his haunches that Michael felt normal time return to the world.

"Amazing," Michael breathed.

"I know," said God as he stood up and went to sit on a nearby rock.

A moment later Woman sat up. Michael jumped. But he couldn't take his eyes off of her. He had felt Sandalphon's invisible body. He had seen her in his mind's eye and he had seen the prototype in the flesh, but to see that flesh then moving on its own was startling.

"Welcome to life, Lilith," said God. At the noise her head swiveled and she leveled her brilliant green-gold eyes at God.

"Hello, God," she said. Then she turned to Michael and smirked. There was something odd about that smirk that Michael couldn't quite place. It felt familiar, as did her voice, which was just weird. "Hello, Michael," she said.

"How do you know my name?" he asked but she didn't get a chance to answer because Man chose that moment to gasp loudly and bolt upright. Michael jumped again and immediately felt foolish when neither God nor Lilith moved at all.

"Hi," said Man.

"Adam, my child, this is yoooooour liiiiife!" announced God in a ridiculously silly voice. Adam grinned but Michael only raised an eyebrow. He was used to God's bizarre sense of humor by now and asking rarely brought the answer into focus.

Adam turned to Michael, "Who are you?"

Michael thought it was weird that Adam didn't seem to know him but Lilith had known him immediately. He glanced at Lilith and she smiled and winked at him, which just made the kind of sense that didn't.

"I'm Michael," Michael said, returning his focus to Adam.

"Nice to meet you, bro." Adam then turned to Lilith and a wide smile split his face. "Nice watermelons," he said appreciatively.

Lilith's face became deadly serious. "My eyes are up here," she said and once he had torn his gaze from her chesticle area she rolled her eyes with great fanfare.

"My children!" God shouted suddenly and they all turned toward him as if just realizing that he was still there. "Welcome to Xanadu!"

"Wait. I thought that was Xanadu," Michael said, pointing up toward the sky.

"No. Keep up, will you, Michael? I already said that that," God also pointed at the sky, "Is now Heaven. But Xanadu is such a great name that I can't let it go to waste. So why not use it here?"

"I like Eden better," said Lilith, "So that's what I'm going to call it." She nudged Adam, whose gaze had drifted downward once more, "What do you think?"

"Whatever she said," muttered Adam without moving his eyes.

God raised an eyebrow and studied his creations. "I think I underestimated the power of those things."

"Without a doubt," said Michael.

"Okay," said God suddenly, hopping down from his perch on the rock. "You guys stand up now and I'll show you around."

Adam and Lilith stood slowly and shakily on their new legs. Michael felt inclined to help Lilith but stopped himself when he saw Adam taking her arm. They needed to learn to depend on each other, he told himself, because the angels would not always be there to pick them up.

Once they were standing God continued. "So, here's the deal. This place is your home. Call it whatever you want. Don't leave the garden and lastly, see those trees over there?" God gestured to the two trees across the wide and shallow river from them.

Michael knew that one of them was the Boner Tree . . . or rather . . . the Tree of Life. He didn't know what the other tree was for. Maybe it was the Tree of Death? Either way the two trees were identical down to the pattern of fruit upon their branches, and he wasn't even sure he could tell which one was which. Given God's penchant for cruelty and games there was no way that that was an accident.

"Yes," said Lilith, smiling. "Isn't one of them the Boner Tree?"

Michael's head swiveled back to Lilith so quickly that his neck cracked. "The what?" he asked in confusion. How would she know unless . . . Oh no, he thought, she didn't.

"She did," said God darkly. God was not pleased.

"But how?" Michael asked. The complete question would have been, 'How did Sandalphon get inside Lilith's body?' but he wasn't about to ask it with Adam staring at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"Never mind that, boys," said Lilith, "You just run along back to Heaven and don't worry about us. We'll be just fine." There was an edge to Lilith's voice that hadn't been there before. Sandalphon's voice had always been light and airy and musical. Now it sounded hard. Maybe that was the effect the physical body had upon angelic voices. Michael looked over to God, whose face told him that things were not going as planned and someone was going to pay. The only questions were who? And how?

"Fine," said God, "Have it your way." He turned to Adam, who had been watching the exchange in fascination and confusion, alternately broken by stolen glances at Lilith's/Sandalphon's body. "Don't eat from those trees."

"The Boner Trees? Why not?"

"_They are not boner trees!"_ God screamed suddenly and the previously cloudless, blue sky darkened.

"God, forgive him, for he knows not what he does," said Michael.

For once the fact that God was easily distracted worked in Michael's favor. God shook his head and the sky cleared. "Ooooh," he said, "I like that quote. I'm totally stealing that someday."

"It's yours," said Michael, "So are we finished here?"

"Yeah. See you later, you crazy kids," he said. And then he leaned in close to Adam and whispered in his ear, "Good luck with that one. You're going to need it."

And then God snapped his fingers and bore himself and Michael up to Heaven in a brilliant display of white light made of pure godly awesomeness.

* * *

><p>The two newly-formed humans stood silently on the banks of the river until sight returned to their eyes. God was really bright. And when the world returned to them once more they sized each other up.<p>

Lilith could tell that she made Adam nervous. And she reveled in it, which was nice because there wasn't much of a feeling of power in this body, despite what Satan had promised her she would feel if she agreed to do this for him.

Without speaking Adam kicked a small pebble with his bare foot and it rolled into the river and came to rest among the other rocks.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Lilith asked, stretching and wondering how long she'd have to wait before something interesting happened.

Adam just stared at the spot where it had disappeared and spoke slowly, as if his mouth had trouble forming the words, "I want to say something. I'm going to put it out there; if you like it, you can take it. If you don't, send it right back." He took a deep breath, finally looked up into Lilith's eyes and said, "I want to be on you."

Lilith licked her lips as her eyes took in Adam's lanky form from his head to his feet and back up again. Looks-wise he certainly didn't compare to Sataniel, though he was probably about on par with Michael. But neither was he as creepy-looking as the Cherubim and Seraphim up in heaven. Maybe she should at least give him a shot. Besides, what else did she have to keep her busy?

She shrugged, "Okay, but I get to be on top."


	2. 2 Getting to Know You

**Chapter 2 – Getting to Know You**

Sunrise in Eden was spectacular. In one corner the black sky with its pinprick points of light slowly gave way to an array of breathtaking colors as the sun rose. It changed from deep purple and dusky rose, to lavender and then to fuscia where the bottoms of the clouds seemed to be set afire. At least that's what Lilith would have called the colors that dazzled her eyes. But for some reason Adam thought that he was supposed to name all of things around here and so she waited patiently to see what he would come up with.

Finally, after much scowling at the scene unfolding before them he said, "Thwerp?"

"Thwerp? Really? We've seen three of these so far and all you can say is 'thwerp'?"

Adam shrugged and leaned back against the pillow-like moss that they had taken as their bed, "I don't care what we call it."

"Isn't it your job to name things?"

"Maybe? Who knows what God wants for any of us—"

"You mean either of us," corrected Lilith, "Because there are only two of us here."

"Whatever. Anyway, who knows what God wants us to do? Though I'm sure he wouldn't have made our bodies fit together so nicely if we weren't meant to indulge in each other as often as possible. And speaking of which," He leaned over and nuzzled Lilith's cheek with his nose, "It's been a little while. Shall we indulge again?"

Lilith looked at Adam's waggling eyebrows and wondered exactly what made him think he was God's gift to women. Yes, he was the only man around but he lacked the finesse of Sataniel and the sweet naiveté of Michael. He also seemed to think that everything he did deserved a standing ovation. Lilith found his performance more deserving of a quiet nod or a polite handshake, before returning to more interesting pursuits like naming the trees or hunting for berries or combing her hair.

Still, at times she missed living with the angels. She missed Sataniel . . . No, she told herself, his name was Satan now and she needed to remember that. It was a little irritating that Satan hadn't come to see her in the three days since her reanimation. Maybe it had something to do with the angel with the flaming sword that God had mentioned guarded the entrance of the garden. Of course, she wasn't supposed to know about that because Lilith had not been "alive" when God had spoken those words to Michael. But Sandalphon had been there, her essence tangled up inside the mess of clay and torn flesh but unable to make it move, to give it life. But God could do it. And Satan had been able to do it, too.

Lilith looked over at Adam. The only spark inside him was the one that had been breathed into him. She needed to get Satan in here or she would be bored to death within the next day or so.

Lilith shook her head and said flatly, "No. I have better things to do with my time."

"Better? Not likely," snorted Adam, clearly offended that she hadn't swooned at his suggestion.

"I don't believe that this is what God imagined for us, Adam. There are things to be done and 'indulging ourselves' will only get in the way of those things."

"But it's so much fun! And with the way you walk around naked all the time—"

"We're supposed to be like the angels while we are here, Adam. We're supposed to live simple and pure lives. But this isn't living. And, quite frankly, if you can't stop leering at me the way you do I'll have to find something to cover myself with because I can't help but feel that you'd concentrate better without this temptation sitting in front of you."

Lilith stood and brushed the dirt and dry leaves from her backside. Adam could just be so irritating sometimes that she wondered how she was supposed to continue with this for . . . for however long God intended for them to live here. Alone. With only each other.

"Fine," Adam said, "I'm taking a nap then." And then he turned his back on her and curled up on his side on their mossy bed.

Lilith had come to hate that bed already. It was not as comfortable as the clouds and it was far too close to the river. It didn't help that Adam's snoring kept her up for most of the night and the constant trickle of water from the nearby river and the insects that lived upon it kept her up for the other half. As an angel she hadn't needed to sleep anyway so the whole concept of sleep was completely foreign to her. At night she often felt as if she wanted to lay her head down but she just couldn't relax.

Lilith spent some time watching Adam. She admired the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. She placed a hand against her own chest and inhaled deeply. She watched the way her ribs moved beneath her skin and the way her flesh became taut over the bones. She liked the feel of the morning air in her throat, in her body, making her feel energized. In Xanadu . . . No, she corrected herself, in Heaven, she had felt energy. It had been raw and powerful and amazing. It had burned her and it had filled her up. But she did not miss it.  
>Now the body that she inhabited had strength. It took up space. It existed. The beauty of the pure physicality of her own body was multiplied by her absolute freedom. Except for being able to eat from those silly trees she could do anything she wanted. And that was worth everything. Not to mention the fact that she was visible now, which was definitely a bonus. In Heaven it had gotten so irritating to talk to the other Angels because they always looked just slightly to the right of where her eyes were and it drove her crazy.<p>

One time she decided to play a trick on Raphael and she kept moving directly into his line of sight. But every time she scooted to the right to meet his gaze his eyes always traveled a little more to the right. She kept going, however, and soon she had turned him in a complete circle and he hadn't even noticed. She swore God had done it on purpose. Of course, now Adam avoided her eyes for an entirely different reason but she would deal with that in time.

And speaking of Adam, he was already snoring. Lovely.

Lilith stretched. It felt incredible. So good, in fact, that she did it again. This human body is truly amazing, she thought. The angels don't know what they're missing and God has no idea what he has created in creating us.

To prove it, Lilith decided that she was going to go find that gate. And if she happened to see the angel with the flaming sword, so much the better. She walked away from Adam and wandered off into the garden. She didn't worry about having to find her way back. At the moment she wasn't really too keen on going back to the way things were anyway. Maybe she'd become a nomad, live in the forest alone, and create her own language. That sounded much better.

As she went Lilith named everything that she came across. She saw spiders, little creatures with 8 legs and wicked-looking fangs; a kangaroo, which was a tall, hoppy thing with ridiculously long feet and a convenient, built-in pocket; and another little fuzzy, black and white animal that stank something fierce but she couldn't quite think of what to call it yet. Not that it mattered what she named them now because Adam would probably come behind her and name them something entirely banal and hard to pronounce. That man has no imagination, she told herself as she ducked under a low hanging tree branch.

Suddenly she stopped. She didn't want to stop. The forest continued on for as far as her eyes could see but she could not take one more step forward. Every time she tried it was as if an invisible hand was pushing her backwards. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant except that she wanted to go forward and something invisible was preventing her from doing so.

Lilith stomped her foot. Mud squished up between her toes and it was cold and gooey and only irritated her further. She wiped her foot off as best she could on a patch of moss (that shit was everywhere) and was all set to storm angrily back through the forest when she stopped, turned back around, and studied the invisible barrier . . . Or at least she studied where she thought the invisible barrier was. It was invisible, after all, so it's not like she could see it. But she could _feel _it. And maybe that was something she could use.

Lilith stepped forward once again, this time with her hands reaching out, feeling for the exact moment her progress was impeded. Her fingertips brushed up against something that wasn't quite solid. She flattened her palm against it and pure energy tingled against her skin. The barrier felt smooth and even had a little give to it. So, she thought, this is the wall that keeps us in and keeps Satan out. She wondered if its placement had any meaning or if it was just random, as so many of the things God did seemed to be.

Lilith smiled to herself and started walking, keeping one hand on the wall of energy as she moved. This was how she would find the gate. If it was unattended she planned to fling open the doors dramatically and announce her arrival. If there really was an angel with a flaming sword she was sure that she could think of some way to disarm him. Even if God Saw fit to punish her for her scheming she reasoned that it would be worth it, if only to give herself something to do to keep busy. Well, something besides what Adam wanted to do all the time.

Lilith had to step away from the wall from time to time to avoid tripping over logs or rocks or to walk around trees or bushes. And she was determined to continue even though the errant sticks or thorns scratched her bare legs and arms. Once she even got her long hair caught in a set of low branches and it took her some time to untangle herself again, leaving behind a lot of her golden strands in the process. They trailed along behind her in the breeze like gossamer spider webs.

Lilith walked in silence for so long that she stopped paying attention to her surroundings. Her right hand hummed from being in constant contact with the wall of energy. And then suddenly there was a break. The energy just stopped. There wasn't a real gate, just a gap in the energy field that encircled the garden and Lilith felt a little disappointed that she wouldn't get to make a dramatic exit.

She had only been at the gap for a shirt time when she saw Uriel. He was not naked as he had been when she had last seen him. Instead he was wearing a diaper of sorts in a rich color that Lilith decided to call purple. And he did indeed have a flaming sword. But it was what he was doing with the sword that made Lilith wonder if everyone in Heaven had gone insane in her absence.

Uriel was vigorously waving around his sword as if he were battling an invisible monster. He would jab and dodge and whip his body around in quick succession, his black hair flying and his large indigo wings wobbling in an unsightly way with his every movement. It might have all been very graceful, like some sort of choreographed dance, if Uriel had had any grace whatsoever. But alas, he did not. So the whole exercise ended up looking more as if he were in pain, or as if he were being struck by divine lightning, or possibly even by divine gas. It was really a tossup at this point. She only knew that it looked ridiculous and she found herself wishing that she had someone to share this sight with so that they could laugh about it later over a meal. There could even be reenactments.

And just when she was lamenting the fact that Adam would never believe her and get how funny all of this was, she saw that she was not as alone as she had thought. A movement from within the deep shadows of the trees caught Lilith's eye and she looked away from Uriel's spasmodic performance to see a flash of pale skin diving out of sight. Her eyes followed the quivering of leaves a little to the left and waited for the figure to reveal himself once more. She already knew who it was but she wanted to be absolutely sure before she took action. The energy field that surrounded him was so unmistakable it was surprising that Uriel hadn't already detected it.

A moment later a beautiful face topped with golden hair peeked out over a bush and Lilith felt the heart within her human body stutter. Well, that was odd, she thought. Perhaps that was how the human body reacted to desire, to joy, to excitement. Until Satan had started to rebel the angels hadn't experienced longing of any kind. They had had everything that they needed. But once Satan stood up to God all of that changed. She wanted. She yearned. She craved. And as a human, Lilith had found those emotions intensified until her very nature seemed to be focused solely on wanting.

And at the moment she craved nothing more than to be with Satan once more. She wanted to start their plan, whatever form that plan would take. And she wanted to get out of the garden. Her longing consumed her and actually made her feel a little dizzy and she cursed this body for being so weak in the presence of such raw emotion.

Satan had been watching Uriel but suddenly flicked his eyes to her. He smiled and nodded and Lilith took a deep breath and cleared her throat. Uriel didn't stop swinging his massive sword, the flames streaking through the air and at times coming dangerously close to his long black hair. Apparently he was too much into his routine to perceive her polite interruption. And so she spoke.

"Excuse me," she said loudly.

Uriel's concentration broke and in the middle of an upswing he looked in her direction. The sword continued its movement until it swung around completely and smacked him on the behind.

"Ow!" he yelped and dropped the sword.

Lilith applauded his performance as the Divine Flames of the sword went out and it became just a plain weapon once more, albeit one made of gold and still full of the promise of divine vengeance.

"Good morning," Lilith said sweetly. She batted her eyes and played with a few strands of her long hair to try to be as appealing and unassuming as possible. She absolutely had to lure Uriel away from the entrance so that Satan could sneak in.

Of course, she immediately realized that she needn't try quite so hard because Uriel made no move to gain his sword once more. He was far too fixated on her human form, which, she had garnered, was quite aesthetically pleasing.

"It's afternoon," said Uriel, though how he managed to form words with his jaw completely slack was beyond her.

Lilith giggled and then quickly stopped when she realized how stupid it made her sound. "Sorry. I've been walking since sunrise so I must have lost track of time." She didn't mention that she frequently lost track of time here because she was used to angelic time, which had no way of measuring time at all.

Uriel grinned and approached her, though he was careful to remain on the other side of the wall. "So, you're Lilith, huh? I gotta say Michael did a great job on you."

"Thank you," Lilith said demurely, as if she didn't completely agree.

"So, where's Man?" he asked, glancing to the forest behind Lilith to see if she was alone. "God gave us the impression that you two were a matching set or something."

"I got bored so I went on a walk. And now I've found you. Care to help me not be bored?"

Uriel's grin widened and Lilith knew that she had played him well. The angels were supposed to be extensions of the divine will of God but thanks to Sandalphon's invisibility she had seen that they were prey to any number of vices. Once God gave them individual tasks to help with his creation the angels had become lustful, greedy, arrogant creatures who vied for God's praise and attention. Basically, they were like God himself.

"What do you have in mind?" Uriel asked, taking a few slow steps in her direction, a lecherous grin upon his face.

Lilith looked over to Satan, who had come out of hiding and was now leaning up against a tree. His gaze was divided between Uriel's advance upon Lilith and the now forgotten sword. If she kept Uriel's attention Satan would have the sword in a moment. Or she could do something else . . .

Lilith smiled at Uriel and said, "How about you ease a girl's curiosity and show me that enormous sword of yours."

Satan stopped where he was as Uriel said, "Sure thing," and turned around to retrieve the weapon.

When Uriel saw Satan he stopped. They stared at each other for a long time in silence and Lilith waited eagerly for one of them to make a move. From where she was she could see the muscles churning in Satan's jaw as he considered his options. And Uriel's wings twitched every now and then as if prepared to carry him up into the sky in the event of an attack.

"Hello, _brother_," said Satan. His voice was dark and gruff, as if living in the forest outside of God's love had changed him, hardened him.

"You look different," said Uriel with no judgment in his voice.

"Life will do that to you, brother," said Satan.

"Living at odds with the Divine will do that to you."

"Who's to say what is divine and what is not? You look different, too. What's with the loincloth?"

"God gave them to us," Uriel said proudly, "And we didn't even have to eat from the boner tree."

"You mean the Tree of Life," Lilith offered and they both looked at her as if they just remembered that she was there.

"Please don't interrupt, dear," said Uriel, "This is a matter between angels and your simple, human, female mind could not possibly understand."

"_Female_ mind?" she asked with a sneer. Lilith felt her face grow hot and she took a step forward but something pushed her back. She couldn't cross the threshold out of Eden. She was stuck.

"Let it go, babe," said Satan without daring to move his eyes from Uriel. "They can't understand what you are and what you will be. You will have your time."

Lilith shut her lips and pressed them together as tightly as she could. She knew that she couldn't just blurt out that she was, in fact, an angel and so yes she did, in fact, understand their little standoff. Who knew what sort of hellfire that revelation would bring down upon their heads? So she shut up. But she didn't like it.

"Her time is now, in the Garden of Eden, with Man. Have you come to change the Divine plan?" Uriel asked. Lilith realized that he was almost imperceptibly inching closer to the fallen sword as he spoke. She looked over to Satan and it seemed that he was doing the same.

"The Divine plan is shit. I've come to prove it."

With that Satan leapt at the sword. Uriel did as well but he wasn't fast enough and by the time he landed on Satan's back, Satan already had the sword in his hand. He shrugged off Uriel with ease and turned the sword on his brother angel. The weapon continued to sleep, all gold and no fire.

Uriel smiled and stood up, ruffling his wings to shake dust from the feathers. "You are not a part of the creation anymore, Satan. That sword obeys the will and the might of God and you no longer have access to that."

"Oh really?" Satan said. "Hey, Lilith, clap twice for me, please?"

Lilith did as he asked and to her surprise the fire reignited all along the blade. Satan turned the weapon on Uriel and the angel backed up until he hit a tree. Satan's back was to Lilith now and she watched the tension in his arm as he struggled to keep the sword from truly injuring his fellow angel.

"Do you really want to slay an angel, brother?" asked Uriel. His voice did not tremble in the face of destruction. In fact, he seemed utterly at peace with the current state of affairs.

"Do not call me your brother," spat Satan.

"Why not? You called me your brother? How come it doesn't go both ways?"

Satan sighed and the hand holding the sword dropped to his side where it ignited a fallen leaf. "I was being sarcastic."

"What's being sarcastic mean?"

"Here we go again," muttered Lilith. She remembered this conversation from her time in Heaven and doubted that Satan could explain it to Uriel in terms the angel would understand.

"Nevermind," said Satan, all menace gone from his voice.

The three of them stood in silence for a while, none of them quite sure which direction this was going. Satan moved first, lifting the sword once more and holding it uncomfortably close to Uriel's throat but his demeanor never wavered. He kept his black eyes trained on Satan's blue ones and his face remained at peace. They stayed that way for a long time until finally Satan dropped the sword at Uriel's feet.

"It's not any fun if you don't play along," he said. He walked toward the entrance to Eden then and called back over his shoulder, "I know you were supposed to keep me out but I'm going in anyway. I have things to do so don't try to stop me." Satan walked easily through the invisible barrier that Lilith could not cross and took Lilith's hand. "Come on. But I want you to know that I didn't appreciate that little trick back there."

Lilith wasn't afraid of Satan in the least and it had been entertaining so she saw no need to apologize. As he led Lilith away from the gate and further into Eden she turned her head and saw Uriel hefting his flaming sword once more. And then she heard him speak, softly, almost like an echo, "You didn't have to be so mean. I was told to let you pass anyway."


	3. 3 Death Does a Body Good

**Chapter 3 – Death Does a Body Good**

"Where have you been?" demanded Adam as soon as Lilith stepped into the clearing, still finger combing leaves and twigs from her long hair. "And what have you been doing? Rolling around on the forest floor?"

Lilith smiled to herself but said nothing as she made her way over to their mossy bed. She sank to her knees, dipped her hands into the cool water of the river, and drank deeply.

"Well?" asked Adam.

Lilith didn't look up but continued to drink, seemingly unconcerned by Adam's justified anger that had been building for days now.

"I waited for you. It's been days."

"I'd say thank you but you really didn't have a choice, did you? I found the gates to the garden. Did you know that we're prisoners here? We can't leave?"

Adam ignored her attempt to change the subject. "I made my own food and sat by myself all day and night."

"Good for you. Independence is important. But tell me, did you learn anything during all of your precious alone time?"

Adam's eyes grew far away fro a moment as he thought about how to answer her question. "I learned a lot. I discovered that water comes out of clouds. I also discovered that it runs downhill."

"So you're a pioneer in the aquatic sciences? Good for you."

"Whatever aquatic means. Why do you always use such big words?"

"I use big words because I believe that someday, when there are more people to talk to, an expansive vocabulary will be important. And I've decided that aquatic means 'of the water.'"

"Oh. Okay then. So it's nice that you want to help me and all but I'm really supposed to be the one doing this so I'd appreciate it if you just stop. But if you have any suggestions for naming things then you can bring them up." Lilith felt her anger flare but he didn't wait for her to respond before continuing.

"I learned other things as well. I discovered that the sun always rises from the same side of the sky and always sets in the same side of the sky. I learned that some animals sleep during the day and stay awake all night, which seems backwards but is actually really neat. Although when I tried to stay awake all night I just got really tired and felt strange the whole next day. And I also learned that if you aren't around to distract me then I can actually get a lot done."

Lilith narrowed her eyes. "You're blaming me for your inability to control yourself for our first three days here?"

"Your presence distracts me from God's purpose and hand in my life. You are temptation incarnate."

"If you're so wonderful and all important then why can't you learn to control yourself? The term I have coined for it is 'willpower', by the way. And why have I had no problem at all controlling myself around you because I certainly haven't had any trouble exercising control over my thoughts and my body"

"Because you're a woman and you're therefore not as observant and your drive to consummate our relationship is not as strong. As a man I have a constant need to be with you if you are around. It's how I was made"

"And I was made the same way: first out of clay and then out of river mud. And the same God breathed life into us both. But we are also different because I appear to have the ability to compartmentalize things and realize that there is such thing as too much of a good thing. Although in your case I use the term loosely"

Adam puffed out his chest but Lilith could see that she had wounded him deeply. Perhaps she had misjudged him and she immediately upgraded his intelligence level from "imbecile" to "single-minded dolt". It was an improvement, though a small one and it made her feel . . . terrible.

She felt like she should say something but nothing came immediately to mind. As an angel she had never felt bad about anything she had done. Perhaps that was because she had lived in the grace of God while in Heaven. But now that she was in the garden she was feeling this strange sort of thing that made her wish that she hadn't said what she just said.

Her face must have reflected her inner turmoil because Adam was immediately at her side, concern in his eyes. He gently rested his hand against her back and asked, "What's wrong? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?"

Did she? Lilith asked herself. No, not really. But she needed something. "What am I feeling?" she asked him.

"I don't know. You're so good at naming everything, why don't you name it?" His voice was tense and bitter and Lilith felt a pang in her chest.

"I can't name this," she admitted with frustration. She pulled away from Adam, moved to a nearby rock, and sat down.

"Tell me about it," said Adam, "Together we will try to find a name."

Lilith glanced at Adam as he sat down beside her and when he didn't sneak a peek at her body she wondered once more if she had underestimated him.

"Well," she said, "It feels bad. My heart hurts. And I wish I hadn't said such mean things to you. You're not terrible at the whole consummation thing, you're just too eager and a girl needs a break now and then."

Adam smiled and said, "You've named so many things but I think I've got this one covered."

"Really?" Lilith asked with a small smile, "What do you think it should be called?"

"Guilt."

Lilith let the word roll around in her brain for a bit. Guilt. Guilt. Guilty. Guiltless. That last one made her smile. No one in this world would ever be guiltless. Even the angels were not guiltless. Even God was not guiltless. She let a smile spread across her face and when she lifted her eyes to meet Adam's she saw the relief flooding his.

"It's good," she said.

"Sweet!" Adam exclaimed. And then he stood up and danced a little stumbling, crazy dance that made him look more like a body in pain than in jubilation.

"Your dancing is not so good. Perhaps that's the next thing we should work on."

Adam laughed and sat down again. "Fine with me." He snaked his arm around her shoulders and whispered into her ear, "How about we work on our horizontal dancing first and then we can concentrate on our vertical moves."

All at once the moment was over. Lilith actually felt the happy leaving her body, only to be replaced with irritation and a major superiority complex. What had she been thinking? God had no idea what he had created in man. She had been an angel, and the only female angel to boot, so no wonder she had more control over her body, her thoughts, her emotions, than he did. He truly was made of animated earth. She was also made of clay but her angelic spirit meant that she was so much more. She was not made to be Adam's consort. She was not made to be anyone's consort. She was created to be the equal of any angel in heaven. And down here in Eden she would never find her equal.

Lilith stood abruptly and Adam, who had been leaning into her for an embrace, fell face first onto the rock.

"What was that about?" Adam asked. "You want to move this party elsewhere? I'm certainly game."

"There's a funny thing I just discovered about guilt," she said.

"What's that?"

"It fades."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I cannot stay here with you. I need to get out of here. I need to be free. Of you. Of this garden. Of all of this."

Adam stood but did not come any closer to her. His eyes widened as he took her in and Lilith wondered what had him so spooked. She walked over to a little inlet where the water slowed and pooled and knelt over it to look at herself. Her face looked much the same except that her eyes were now glowing a violent shade of green. She smiled at her broken and scattered image in the pool and her reflection smiled back at her. I look good, she thought, too good to be stuck in this place without options, forever, or at least until God grows weary of us and unmakes us just for sport.

"What's happening to you?" Adam asked.

"I was foolish to have done this!" Lilith shouted suddenly and Adam jumped back.

"You're mad," he muttered, and then, "Has the guilt driven you mad? Can it do that?"

"I am not mad," she said, "And I no longer feel guilt." She turned in a circle and called out to the surrounding forest, "Come out, Satan! Come forward and let Adam see the beauty that I am used to."

She stopped and waited, listened. Nothing happened. A black bird with an enormous yellow beak hopped along a branch right behind Adam's head. A light breeze ruffled the leaves around them and the soft shushing sound only stoked Lilith's sudden temper. The fact that Satan did not immediately appear at her summoning did nothing to help her attitude.

"What is happening, Lilith?" Adam asked. "Should we pray? Should we ask God what to do?"

"What's with the sudden attack of piety? You have never mentioned prayer before and now I believe that you mention it only because you think you've lost control." She moved closer to him until her toes were resting on top of his in the sticky, cold river mud. "You don't like not being in control. Is that right, Adam?"

"No, I don't. God breathed life into me first and decreed that I am the one in charge. You must be subservient to me because I am the man."

"Now look who's using the big words." Lilith looked around once more and though she saw no sign of Satan, her eyes lit upon something that might work to her advantage even more than Satan's appearance. The two trees.

At once Lilith started over toward the small island where the identical trees grew, their branches intertwining gracefully as they curved up toward the sky. When her feet hit the river they began to tingle as if the water itself here was infused with God's power. She wondered if he knew what she was about to do and smiled at the thought that he and the other angels were watching with baited breath as events in the garden unfolded. Only Michael knew for certain who she really was, though she suspected that God also knew that she had hijacked this body and let her continue to inhabit it just to see what she would do as an angel trapped in a human body. Well, she thought, I may as well give them all a spectacular show.

"What are you doing?" Adam demanded.

"I'm hungry. And I suddenly have a craving for fruit." The tingling in her feet became stronger as she drew closer to the banks of the little island. And then she stepped onto the island and the mud was warm beneath her bare feet. It also seemed to suck at her feet, something she hadn't noticed when she was an invisible angel. Now that she was human and had form and substance and weight it almost seemed as if the very ground was against her reaching those trees. But she was determined to partake of the fruit of at least one of them.

"Lilith, come back!" shouted Adam as he paced back and forth on the opposite bank. He wasn't willing to even cross the river and drag her back onto safe ground and Lilith thought less of him because of it.

"Yes, Lilith, go back to safety. Go back to normality."

Lilith looked up into the trees to see where the voice was coming from and saw only a snake. It was the same snake that had been there when she had first come to visit the trees and Satan had made Michael eat one of the dripping red fruits. But that time the snake hadn't said anything. Or maybe it had but she was too busy getting felt up by Satan who, despite the fact that she was invisible and he had not been designed to pleasure a woman in that way, seemed to know loads more than Adam ever did or ever would. Maybe it had something to do with being an angel. Either way, there was time to debate that point for the rest of eternity but at the moment there was a snake talking to her and considering that talking animals weren't part of the divine plan that she was aware of she thought that maybe she should listen to it.

"Satan?" she asked, thinking that perhaps after his fall he had developed the ability to transform himself into something else and now he was just messing with her.

"No," said the snake.

"Then who are you, snake?"

Adam was still ranting and raving on the opposite bank and Lilith easily tuned him out.

"First off, please take note of the fact that I have legs, which would make me very much not a snake. I am a serpent. In fact, one might say I am The Serpent, so please show me some sympathy and some taste and call me by my name."

"I am sorry, Serpent," said Lilith, hoping that she had spoken wisely. When the Serpent did not move to chastise her she continued, "So, who are you?"

"You could say that I am the guardian of the trees. But it really does not matter what I am. What matters is why you are here." The Serpent's tongue seemed to drag on every 's' sound, which made its speech slow and slightly hypnotic.

"Where'd you come from?" she asked, not quite ready to examine her personal decisions.

"I am here because I have always been here. Since the creation of the garden I have been here."

"You mean ever since God told all of the angels to bring down the animals, right? That's when someone brought you down and thought it would be funny to stick you up in a tree, right? Was it a joke? Because it's really not funny and if I were you I'd be kind of pissed."

The Serpent made some strange sort of sound that was somewhere between a hiss and a gurgle and Lilith wondered if it were laughing at her. Then it said, "I was not brought down. I am here. I am a part of this garden as surely as the ground upon which you are standing."

"Why are you talking to a Serpent?" a voice from above her asked and Lilith looked up and stared hard into the crisscrossing branches arching over her head. At first she saw nothing and Adam's wailing on the other side of the river was quite distracting but then she saw movement and she looked harder. And there, reclining amongst a basket of interwoven branches that seemed to be made just to cradle his body, was Satan.

"Why did you disappear and leave me to find my way back here alone?"

"You didn't have to come back here," was his response.

"Wow. Your time alone has turned you into a dick. I hope I'll be more fortunate when my turn comes."

"Your time for what? As far as I can tell you came back to Adam and now that I'm here you've suddenly decided that lover boy over there isn't enough for you, am I right?"

"Don't flatter yourself," she said, "This experiment was a mistake from the start. I should never have let you talk me into it in the first place. I just need to get out of this garden. And I don't need you or anyone else to come with me."

"And you see eating one of these fruits as your escape?" he asked.

"Yes."

The Serpent dropped down so that it was hanging from a branch very close to her face. She hadn't realized until then how large it was. It easily could have swallowed her whole and still had room left for a little desert. "But one of them might kill you," it said.

"And what's the other one going to do?" she asked. Death did not frighten her, though if she were to be completely honest with herself she would admit that she didn't really understand the concept.

"The fruit of the Tree of Life will either give you everlasting life or it will kill you. The fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil will expand your consciousness and let you see things as God sees things. Without all of the power to create and destroy, of course."

"Of course."

Lilith looked over her shoulder to where Adam was now seated on their bed of moss, watching her with forlorn and confused eyes. Satan did not descend any further from his perch in the tree and Lilith doubted that Adam could even see him. For all Adam could tell Lilith was standing in front of the trees having a conversation with herself while an enormous snake watched her and waited and imagined how she would taste.

"So, what will it be, Lilith?" asked Satan. "Do you choose to know the things that God knows? Or do you take your chances and eat the fruit of the Tree of Life."

"Which one did you eat from?" she asked.

"Both, actually. Though I'll admit that I didn't know the fruit might kill me when I ate it and I still had no idea when I offered it to Michael. We just got lucky, I suppose."

"Luck had nothing to do with it," said the Serpent matter-of-factly, as if it were privy to some secret knowledge. Lilith wanted to question it further because she really didn't know what she was going to accomplish by doing this except that she was going to be free one way or another.

As if the Serpent could read her mind it said, "You have made your choice."

Lilith nodded and plucked one of the shiny, burgundy fruit dangling in front of her. She could have sworn the branch even moved close to her so that she could take it. Perhaps the tree is making my choice for me, she thought, but then quickly banished that idea as ridiculous.

"You're taking the risk, huh?" asked Satan. He seemed a little disappointed.

"Yes. Not that it's really any of your business but why do you care?"

"I like having you around is all."

"What about all of the angels who fell with you, the ones who followed you into this folly? Where are they?"

Satan closed his eyes as if he were trying to sense their movements using only his mind and then said, "They're trying to find a way in to follow me. One of them, I don't know his name yet, has engaged Uriel in combat but I think it's just for sport. They're both laughing. And then there are these other guys who are doing unmentionable things to animals."

"Like what?" asked the snake.

"Didn't I just say they were unmentionable things? At any rate they'll be dealt with because that's just wrong, though I try to show some compassion because it is really lonely out there in ways we never could have imagined in Heaven." Satan's eyes took on a wistful look that hinted at just how sad he was that things had turned out the way that they had.  
>Lilith tore the large fruit in two and its flesh yielded to the pressure of her fingers. Some of the little bubbles burst with the twisting and the deep red juice ran down her forearms. "I don't need to know what God knows. I don't care. I'd rather live forever so that I can see how this whole experiment turns out." She scooped out a handful of the little juice pearls and popped them into her mouth. She spoke around them as she chewed, her face scrunching up at the surprisingly tart taste of the fruit. "Besides, I think this is all going to fail. Humans can't be trusted. They're greedy and self-centered and I don't like them very much. I don't think they like themselves very much. We're certainly not angels anymore and when we're all you've got that to compare yourself to what are you left with but a feeling of complete inadequacy and a pain in your stomach?"<p>

She swallowed. The power of the fruit hit her hard and she fell to her knees and rolled onto her side in the warm, soft grass. Her head was spinning and her stomach ached and she very much wanted it all to stop. And then it did. Just like that.

Lilith opened her eyes, half expecting to be dead, whatever that meant, but it did not seem as though much had changed. Except that it was now night. And the Serpent was gone. She looked up into the branches of the tree and Satan was gone as well. Across the river Adam was asleep on his little bed of moss, his arms and legs spread-eagled as he took up all of the available space. Suddenly her lack of restful sleep made perfect sense: Adam was a bed hog. She hoped that when all was said and done Adam's next partner in life would be a bigger bed hog than he was and teach him a lesson.

Lilith wondered what she should do now. She wondered what had happened. She wondered if she would be able to leave the garden now and if she did, if Satan would follow her or if he would stay behind to complete whatever task he had assigned himself. She briefly contemplated waking Adam up and asking him to eat the fruit as well so that he could live with her forever then decided that he'd be far too annoying to have around for such a long time and she'd be better off alone.

She stepped into the water and then stopped and stared down at her feet, confused. She felt nothing. The water was visibly slipping past her ankles and shimmering in the light of the full moon but she couldn't feel it. A few more steps and she reached the other side, near where Adam was lying, and she couldn't feel the mud, or the grass, or the moss as she stepped up to the side of the bed. Come to think of it she couldn't feel any breeze on her skin or the pleasant chill that was always in the air at night or any other purely physical sensation.

"This is ridiculous?" she whispered to herself.

"But it isn't," said Satan, who was suddenly standing beside her. But he looked different, a bit shinier than he had been since his fall from Heaven.

"What do you mean? What's happened to me?" she asked, growing more fearful of her predicament the longer she was forced to exist without feeling.

"You ate the wrong one, Lilith. You took the gamble and you lost. Had you been truly human you would have died there on those banks. But you were not. You are an angel, and despite your fall from Heaven you still retain some power."

"How do you know this?" she asked in awe. In Heaven she had watched the dealings of her bothers and she had always thought that Satan was the most undervalued and underestimated of all of the angels and here he was proving it. It was just a shame he had to prove it against her.

He shrugged. "I don't. I'm just guessing at some things and just making up the rest. Kind of like God does."

"Thanks," she said and punched him in the arm.

"At least it's an educated guess. I've done a lot of wandering since my arrival and I realized that though I could not physically enter the garden before Uriel let me pass, I could see what was going on in the garden by entering this place."

"Where are we if we're not really in the garden anymore?"

"A sort of in-between place as far as I can tell. I've only just started my explorations but it seems as if this Earth mimics Heaven in that there are many layers to its reality. This one seems to be closest to the actual Garden but I have sensed at times that there are other levels hidden beneath even this one."

"But why? What does it mean?" Lilith asked. Her mind was still reeling too fast from the idea that she really could have just winked out of existence had she been truly human to really care about layers or levels or whatever Satan was rambling on about. But one thing stuck in her mind and so she latched onto that idea as if it were the only tree in the middle of a windswept field.

"Wait a minute," she interrupted Satan's musings, "So you were watching us? What exactly did you see?"

"Enough. I happened upon you often when you were . . . what did Adam call it? Consummating? He was very . . . enthusiastic about it. You, however, not so much."

"Can you blame me?" she asked, "After having been around angels man just isn't that impressive. That's no fault of his own but still sometimes he was just a bit too much.. Enthusiastic is the perfect word for it."

"Well you'll never have to worry about that again because you'll never be able to speak to him again. You are invisible to him. You will now forever be on the outside."

Lilith chewed her lip in thought. The idea of being alone did not bother her for she was sure that on this new world she could find much with which to amuse herself. But she didn't like the idea of being on the outside. "Will I always be in this in between place or is that just because I'm in the garden?"

"Only in the garden. You are still free to roam elsewhere in this world," replied the Serpent as it crawled on its stubby legs and twined itself around her ankles.

Lilith wiggled her legs slightly to shake the snake loose, "Shove off, Serpent. I'm trying to decide what to make of this and the pressure of your body against my feet is distracting since I can't actually _feel_ you." Then she turned to Satan, "Does this last? Will I ever feel anything again?"

"In my experience that's only a side effect of the in between place. You can leave at any time."

Lilith felt a sudden and unexpected pang in her chest at the thought of leaving the garden and stepping out into the world all alone. She told herself that she was being silly but Heaven and then this idyllic garden were all she had ever known so she didn't know what to expect when she left. In her situation, she reasoned, a little "Are you coming with me?"

"No. I tried for too long to get into the garden to leave so soon. I have work to do here."

"Give her a task," said the Serpent from behind them. They turned around to see it halfway up the tree and still climbing. "Let her help the others."

"Oh yeah!" Satan exclaimed and all of a sudden he looked more like the innocent idiot angel with whom God had fallen in love than the manipulative and serious angel he had become. She missed that Satan a little and was happy to see that side of him was still alive.

"I have something for you to do when you leave, a job, if you will. There are others out there, other angels who took a chance on me and came along for the ride. Those angels, and some of them are monstrous, mind you, need help and guidance now that they are here. They need someone to show them how to survive. I certainly couldn't do it because I was too busy trying to get into the garden but you, you could help them. And they'd love to see you now that they can actually . . . well . . . see you."

"I don't know about that," Lilith said, "It sounds like a pain, trying to teach monsters to exist?"

"Correction: they look like monsters but they _are_ angels. They're like you, like me. Help them for me and when I'm finished here I will find you. Find tasks for them. Find work for them. Maybe even find a way to create more of them for we may need an army one day, you never know. And when the garden gates open and God's man and woman are unleashed upon the world then our real work will start. So what do you say?"

"What makes you think God will ever set them loose them on the world?" Lilith asked, ignoring Satan's question in favor of her own.

"I have plots," Satan said simply, not bothering to elaborate, much to Lilith's frustration.

"Fine then, at least tell me what our real work is?"

Satan only smiled, "You'll see."

The Serpent snickered. Lilith said, "I'll do it," and the world dissolved once more around her. She awoke out of this pure, deep darkness and stood up. This time the ground beneath her bare feet was rocky and hard, the long grass that waved in the wind tickled her skin. These sensations told her that she was still alive and that she was in the real world once more. She looked around. From the top of her small hill it seemed as if she could see forever in every direction. The world looked new and expansive and full of promise. And apparently, since the tree did not kill her, she had all the time in the world. She chose a direction at random and started off in search of some monstrous angels.


	4. 4 Mannequin

**Chapter 4 – Mannequin**

"Michael!"

Michael stopped moving as a shiver of God's power passed through him. And then he screamed. He had been practicing with his brand new flaming sword and when God called he dropped it, hilt downward, directly onto his foot. He flew up into the air with one great pump of his wings and then curled up into a ball as he grabbed his injured foot. Not surprisingly it didn't help at all.

"You look ridiculous," said God.

Michael looked down to see God standing on the clouds below him, watching Michael's fit with a bemused smile on his face. At least, thought Michael, he's alone this time. The last time God approached Michael he was surrounded with both the Cherubim and his adoring, roller skating angels. The raucous party that came with them made his head ache for a very long time after they had gone.

He floated gently down to land among the clouds as the shooting pain started to fade, no thanks to his aerial ministrations, and asked, "What do you want now?"

"My, aren't you rather grumpy today?"

"I have a feeling you'd be grumpy, too, if someone screamed inside your head and then appeared and told you that you looked ridiculous."

God didn't bother to acknowledge Michael's assumption. Instead he reached his left hand towards the suddenly swirling clouds at his feet. He extended his fingers downward, closed his eyes, and scowled slightly. His upper lip and forehead started to glisten, seemingly due to the effort of his concentration alone.

"What are you doing?" asked Michael

"Shhh," hissed God, "Watch and be amazed."

So Michael waited and soon he saw the hilt of his flaming sword emerge slowly from the white fluff at God's feet.

"Cool," said Michael, impressed and, in spite of himself, actually a little envious. God was always doing things like that; random flashy tricks that made the other angels exclaim how cool he was and ask to learn his secrets. He never divulged anything, merely smiled in a way that made Michael cringe. Michael wanted to yell at the other angels and tell them that he could only do those things because he was God and to stop being such ingratiating suck-ups. But he kept his mouth shut because he knew it would only drive an even deeper wedge between himself and the other angels than the one that already existed. He didn't even know why it existed but it had been there since the dawn of time so everyone seemed OK with it.

All of a sudden the sword flew out of the clouds and directly into God's outstretched hand. He swung it in a wide and flamboyant arc and then enacted a series of complicated dodging and thrusting moves that were way beyond anything Michael had been able to master. Michael felt deflated instead of uplifted and he regretted taking God's words to heart when he had called him his warrior angel. Maybe that's not what he was meant to be after all.

"Be discouraged not, young one," said God, stopping in his routine and handing Michael the sword hilt first. His arm brushed the flame but the heat didn't seem to bother him, "Practice it will take. Practice you must."

"Why are you suddenly speaking backward?"

"Trying it I am. Mysterious or silly does this sound?"

"Honestly, a little of both. But I think it would just get annoying after a while."

"I'll take that under advisement," said God, dropping the odd, backward speech pattern in favor of his usual forward, yet still annoying, one.

"Seriously, God, how often have you practiced with a sword?" Michael asked, bringing the conversation back to the matter at hand and still eager to satisfy his curiosity.

"Never held a sword I have. Just invented they were . . . You're right, this is just really annoying. Anyway, I just invented swords a few days ago when I sent Uriel down to guard the gate to Eden. I gave Sariel the idea and he created several for me so that I could pick the best one for the job. I went for the flaming one, in case you were wondering. You're playing with the prototype. But actually swords are rather too pointy for my taste, though I can see how they could be a used as a deterrent for bad behavior."

Michael's shoulders slumped. He had expected that God would have at least tested one out, taken a few bad swings before giving such a thrilling performance. "You always do this, make me feel about the size of a . . . What did you call one of those small, really pointless but adorable animals you put down on Earth?"

"There are too many to count. Most of them were mistakes that ended up too cute to destroy," said God, totally missing the point, as usual.

Michael sighed, "Can't you just put the knowledge of all types of swordplay into my head? That way I'd be good to go should the need arise for me to lead an army of angels or something like that?"

God laughed. "Now where would my fun be in that?"

"Whatever," Michael muttered. He sheathed his sword into the leather thong around his waist. He certainly wasn't going to be practicing any more with God standing right there anyway. "What did you call me for, anyway?"

"You haven't been keeping an eye on my creations in Eden, have you?"

"Not really," Michael admitted. After the re-creation of man and woman on earth the angels had thrown a party for themselves for a job well done. The festivities were just now starting to die down though there were some who insisted that the party be kept alive until some event in the distant future that had not yet been determined. But even those angels were losing stamina thanks to the excesses that only angels could aspire to. On the second day of the party Gabriel discovered that if you ate tufts of cloud it made your head spin in delightfully pleasant ways. By the third day of the party God had banned the practice of eating clouds, which had already become known as "clouding". Michael tried it once, at Gabriel's insistence, before it became a banned substance, and he had enjoyed it. But once God had decreed it forbidden no one was willing to risk using it again. Since then Michael hadn't bothered with more than a cursory glance at the goings on in the Garden of Eden. Even when he did look they were usually doing things to each other that made him scratch his head. They looked like they were enjoying themselves but Michael couldn't really see the purpose of all of that sweating and thrusting and grunting.

"I honestly haven't looked in on man and woman much at all," he admitted.

"Then let me tell you what's happened because I would like you to join me in creating a new companion for Man."

Michael was suddenly all ears. Knowing that the sweet and beautiful and sumptuous Sandalphon had taken up residence in Woman's body meant that Woman's fate was very close to his heart. "What happened to Lilith?"

"She has left us."

"What do you mean left us?" Michael asked through clenched teeth. He could feel his temper rising and tried hard to swallow it. It wouldn't do for an angel to lose his temper, especially not with God. But God just smiled at his creation and Michael realized that God was being deliberately vague. And Michael knew that God knew that Michael knew what was happening. As usual, the entire situation was maddening and made Michael wish that there were something in Heaven a little harder than clouds with which to bash himself in the head.

"She chose the path of darkness, young padawan."

"What's a padawan?" exclaimed Michael.

"Doesn't matter now but some day humans will hear that phrase and cheer or something."

"Can you just get to the point please?"

"Satan has entered the Garden. Lilith was a strong-willed soul and ate from the Tree of Life and would have died had she not been, in fact, an angel in disguise."

Well, that cat was certainly out of that bag now. Or rather, the angel was out of the human skin-suit, which just sounded really gross when he thought about it. Either way, God had to know that Michael was aware of the shenanigans and so Michael resolved himself to his impending punishment. "At least that's better that robots in disguise, right?" he asked, trying to crack a joke.

God just looked at Michael, unsmiling, and said, "Leave the jokes to me, okay?" He continued, "She has decided to leave the Garden and take up with Satan's army of fallen angels. She has left to meet up with them already. Someday they will create monstrosities," he added, almost as an afterthought, "But that will not happen for a long time . . . I hope."

So she really was gone. Michael let that thought sink in. As the only female angel her presence had been many things at once: strange yet comforting, confusing yet thrilling. He thought Heaven needed a few more angels like her, and not just because there was a serious lack of watermelons here among the cloud banks.

"I don't care what you knew or for how long. I only want you to help me create a new partner for Adam. He cannot be alone for long or he'll start to go a little crazy and start doing . . . you know the things people do after they've been alone for a while?"

"What do you mean? Like talking to oneself? Or taking up macramé?"

"Something like that. I need to descend into the garden and create a new life out of mud and river clay. And since Lilith was your creation, so to speak, I'd like you to help me build the new body."

Michael was cautiously flattered. He waited for the back-handed comment to come, waited to be struck down by God's cruel and often tasteless wit, but nothing happened.

"Come," said God, "We shall descend now. There's no time like the present and I don't want Adam to get bored. I get the feeling we wouldn't like him when he's bored."

"I don't much care for him now," said Michael. He considered adding, "Because he's too much like you," at the end and decided against it. Out of the corner of his eye he watched God frown as he read Michael's thoughts and he felt immediately both guilty and relieved. In Heaven the general rule was that thinking was the same as doing but for some reason God didn't chastise Michael for his thoughts this time. Maybe God's getting soft in his old age, thought Michael.

"Don't be a dick, Michael," said God, "Let's go."

God clasped Michael's hand and said something Michael thought was "Hold on loosely but don't let go," but he couldn't ask God to repeat himself because at that moment the world started to spin. Michael's body went slack as it careened through limitless space, pinprick stars dancing in the darkness, and swirling colors that made Michael's head spin in a pre-vomity fashion until he closed his eyes. And then suddenly he was still once more. He opened his eyes to find he was standing in the garden near the river. God still held his hand.

Michael shook free and asked, "What was that? I thought we were flying down." He felt dizzy and leaned against a tree to keep from toppling over.

"That's how I travel, how I get from one place to the next so quickly. And yes, it's a bit rough at first but you get used to it. You'll feel fine shortly, so let's do something to take your mind off of it. Come here and help me create the perfect partner for Man. And try not to be so noisy. Adam is still asleep and he needs to stay that way if this is going to work at all."

Michael looked over to where the original man and woman had made their bed and saw Adam sleeping on his stomach, his limbs splayed and taking up every inch of available space. Apparently losing Lilith had done wonders for his sleep. He wondered if all men would someday feel like this or if this was an isolated case. Only time would tell, he supposed.

He quietly made his way over to God and knelt beside him in the river mud and together they started to mold the thick, gray clay into a vaguely human shape. Michael worked hard, using his memories of Lilith to guide his hands starting at the slender shoulders, the long arms, and delicate hands. He pressed the mud into the perfect curve for her hips. He became mesmerized by the color of the clay, the way his hands seemed to know exactly how much pressure to exert to create the perfect shape this time around. He eventually became so involved in the shape of her calf that he lost track of what God was doing. If he thought of God at all he imagined that God was working on the new woman's face, something Michael was in no way prepared to attempt again after his dismal failure at creating one for Lilith. And, surprisingly, he was okay with that.

As they worked the sun began to rise, bathing their corner of the garden in soft, golden light filtered through many layers of leaves and branches. The sky above brightened from a deep indigo to a brilliant, cloudless blue, and Michael began to sweat. Finally, he ran his hand down one long, shapely leg, and announced, "I think that's it." He looked up to admire the entire sculpture and was shocked to see what God had done.

God was sitting back on his haunches and smiling down at the shape that lay between them. It seemed that as Michael worked to create a woman's form, God had come in behind him and reshaped every contour so that the figure had become a man. And there was something brownish red smeared across the figure's chest of otherwise unbroken graying-brown.

Michael sighed. " What have you done? I made a woman and you screwed it all up. She was a work of art and now she's a he. Still a work of art, mind you," he quickly added so as not to offend God's delicate temperament, "But not exactly what I thought we were supposed to be going for here."

"You're right on all accounts. She was beautiful but I felt that she just needed a little editing. Besides, we already tried using a woman and look where that got us. I thought we'd try a man instead."

Michael scowled at the figure's face and then looked up at God, "You made him look like you, didn't you?"

"Of course! Who else would he look like? And his name is Steve, by the way."

"I'm sorry, but that's just creepy. Adam looks like Satan and this new man looks like you? And what's with this red stuff on his chest?" Michael touched it gingerly and it was slightly squishy. His fingers came back tinted red. "What is it?" he asked again, suddenly not sure he really wanted an answer. But, he told himself, it's better to know the truth sooner rather than later when it came to God. That way the cleanup was usually easier because the chaos hasn't had time yet to spread.

"Oh, that? I borrowed a rib from Adam while you were working and shoved it into our new man."

"You did what?" Michael asked. He felt his face paling and wished, not for the first time, that any of the other angels were around so that they could see how insane really God was.

"I figured if the new guy had a piece of Adam inside of him then they would be more connected and this new guy wouldn't run off and leave Adam alone like Lilith did. Just go with it, Michael, it will work. Trust me."

"That is officially the creepiest thing you have ever done."

A gasp from behind Michael drew his attention away from the strangest conversation he was likely to ever have. Then again, he was talking to God so who knew what insanity was to come. But he didn't have time to think about that at the moment because someone was gasping and the only other person in the garden was Adam. And that meant . . .

Michael flew to the bed of moss where Adam laid writhing and holding the left side of his chest. Thick, red blood oozed between his fingers. One look and even Michael, who had no experience with death, knew that Adam was not long for this world.

"God, what have you done?"

God strode slowly over to the carnage, looked at Adam's pale and trembling body over Michael's shoulder, and said, "Maybe I should have been a little more careful when I took that rib out."

"You think?" Michael shrieked as he pressed his own hands to the wound to try to stop the bleeding. It didn't help. There seemed to be a deep hole in his chest and Adam couldn't breathe because of it. He was dying.

"Or maybe I could have just taken some hair from Adam. Or a toenail. I guess it didn't really have to be so invasive, but I was really just trying to be thorough, you know?"

"Please stop talking and help me save his life, Mr. All-Powerful Creator," Michael hissed. Adam's shuddering movements were slowing; his breathing had become nearly nonexistent. His eyes stared up at Michael but he didn't appear to be actually seeing anything. Even the blood oozing from his gaping chest wound had slowed.

"You're very testy, aren't you?"

"Please?" Michael said. Adam only had seconds to live and here God was, deliberately dragging the moment out when he could easily have just waved his hand and fixed the problem, filled the hole, and made Adam good as new.

"Fix him yourself, if you want. If that one dies we can always make another one. I have one waiting right over there," he gestured over to the new form they had spent half of the night creating but his eyes remained fixed on Adam's convulsing body. "This is fascinating."

Rage flared within Michael as he met God's gaze and when he looked back upon this moment he would swear he saw God flinch just a little. He quickly reached over to the river bank and dug his bloody hand into the cold, gray mud. He placed the handful of mud over the open wound in Adam's chest. Adam's hands had dropped from his chest and he didn't seem to even notice that the mud was cold. Michael pressed it into the hole, feeling the entire time that God was watching him work, passing judgment on him. But he would not let that stop him from trying to keep Adam alive. Adam did not ask to be created and he was certainly not asking to die, and for God to let it happen just to see how it worked seemed unnecessarily cruel.

By the time the mud was firmly in place Adam had passed out. His chest was barely moving; his skin was sallow. Michael did the only thing he could think of to do. Knowing that it was a long shot, he leaned over Adam and, without touching him at all, closed his eyes and breathed into Adam's slightly parted lips. He imagined that a spark of life, placed there by God upon his creation, existed within him and could be called upon when needed. He imagined bringing that spark to the surface and forcing it into Adam. He envisioned that spark taking root inside Adam's chest and then growing, spreading, filling Adam back up with spirit and banishing all traces of death from his body. And then he sat back on his heels and waited.

Michael tried not to think about what God must be thinking as he watched Adam's breaths begin to deepen, become more regular. As color returned to Adam's face Michael's eyes were drawn to the mud-filled hole in Adam's chest and as he watched, Adam's deeper breaths began to crack the mud there. Enough of the mud flaked off that Michael reached up and wiped it aside to see only unbroken skin. But the skin was no longer unblemished, a small, irregular circle of smooth skin remained as if in testament to the gaping wound that had almost killed him.

"I knew you could do it," God said softly from behind Michael. "I thought that it would take a little coaxing to bring it to the surface but I knew that you were capable of great things, Michael."

Relief that he had done it, that he had saved a life, had drained the fight from Michael. So that even when he asked, "You risked his life to force me to . . . to what? To prove a point?" it lacked the proper irritation and disgust that the situation truly warranted.

"Not at first. I did it to forever intertwine the lives and the souls of these two humans, and by association, all of those who come after. But after my unfortunate miscalculation I decided to use the situation to prove a point. And that point is this: I made you first, Michael. I made Satan last. There's no reason you cannot be just a powerful as he is. I want you to understand this because someday you may have to fight him again and this time I don't want you to think that he can best you. You two are my favorite creations and I made you to be equals: darkness and light."

"You knew Satan was going to choose to leave?" asked Michael. His voice was hushed, surprised, and reverent.

God ignored his question. He gestured to the now calmly sleeping Adam and said, "Let's go animate his new friend and get out of here before he wakes up."

"Animate?" Asked Michael as he stood and brushed the mud from his legs.

"Bring him to life."

"Ah," said Michael, "About that . . ."

"What?"

"If you're going to concede that you have granted me some smidgeon of power then let me ask you something."

"Fine," said God as he dropped to his knees beside the new figure's head, prepared to breathe life into him as soon as Michael was finished talking.

"What is it that you originally planned for man and woman to do here?"

"To live. To study. To learn. I figured we would watch them and make fun of their foibles and cheer them on when they did well. But probably mostly just make fun of them. They're curiosities and I just wanted to see if I could do it. They're an experiment, one that so far has failed, I'll admit."

"Okay. But I know you didn't plan on just these two people to live out their lives alone on this huge planet. If that was the plan then you would have created just this garden and been done with it."

God thought for a moment and then said, "Actually, I did have this weird idea that seemed to be working before. You know that thing that Adam and Lilith were always doing?"

"Gabriel calls it 'making the beast with two backs.'"

"Oh, I like that. Well, anyway, I was thinking that instead of us making a bunch of people out of clay, because that would be incredibly dull, that Adam and Lilith would somehow make more people."

Michael had to admit that he was impressed with such forethought. God was impressively short-sighted when it came to most things. But here he seemed to have given the outcome a little more thought. "That's actually a great idea. But let me ask you this: if Adam and Lilith were created to bring more humans into this world then how are Adam and Steve supposed to do it? I don't think it's possible for them to make more of themselves because of the way that they are built."

God's face fell and Michael knew in that instant that he was right, so he continued, "Now, once a man and a woman have populated the world, however that is to be done, then if a man wants to lie with a man and a woman with a woman then so be it. It won't hurt anyone and it will make people happy and really, isn't it all just about being happy? But until we have more people in the world I think we have to stick to man and woman. The variations can come later."

God smiled at that and said, "Oh yes, they will. And they will evolve naturally from one generation to the next. You have no idea what I can suddenly foresee in the lives of the men and women who will eventually inhabit this planet. Variations are beautiful. But you're right. We need to start simply. The rest will come in time."

"So can we go back to my original design?" asked Michael.

"I already did," said God. Michael had been so focused on his conversation with God that he hadn't noticed that the clay body before him had once more become a woman.

Michael sighed with irritation. "If it's that easy for you to do it on your own then why do you keep asking me to help you?"

"Because I like your company, Michael. Because I think it's good for you and gives you something to be proud of besides your nonexistent skills as a swordsman."

"Is the rib still in there?" Michael asked, wrinkling up his nose.

God leaned over and breathed life into the new woman. The clay paled and became smooth and pliant as this new woman woke up. She opened her eyes, blinked, and sat up. She was beautiful, with long, black hair that shone faintly blue in the morning sunlight and eyes the color of deepest space before the beginning of time. Her lips were full and pink and perfect. She stood up and Michael saw that she was more petite than Lilith had been. And whereas Lilith had been strong without compromise, Michael could tell from the gentleness in her eyes that this woman would be softer while still being strong. She would be a good match for Adam. She would challenge him and yet nurture him and that would make him strive to be better. Though Michael still preferred Lilith he could see how this sort of a relationship would work out well for Adam.

"Hello, my dear. This Garden is your home and that lump of flesh still asleep over there," God waved his arm in the general direction of Adam, "Is Adam, your partner in this adventure. Now what else, what else . . . Oh yes, don't eat from the trees on the island in the middle of the river or bad things will happen. Any questions?"

The woman blinked at Michael, then looked back to God and asked in a high, bell-like voice, "What shall I call myself?"

God shrugged and looked over to Michael, who asked, "You were originally going to call her Steve when she was going to be a man, right?" God nodded and Michael said, "Then how about Eve?"

God smiled, "It is good." He turned to Eve and spread his arms wide and said, "Go to Adam, wake him, and tell him your name. The rest will take care of itself. And remember: be excellent to each other and . . . party on, dudes!"


	5. 5 I Want to Know What Love Is

**Chapter 5 – I Want to Know What Love Is **

The light-haired man and the dark-haired man disappeared in a puff of purple smoke accompanied by a loud shushing sound. She couldn't be sure, since her memories were not quite solid yet, but she thought that one of them had had wings. She just couldn't remember which one. Once they were gone Eve wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. She stood and stared at the spot where the two beings had disappeared and then glanced over her shoulder and felt with still-awkward arms to see if she, too, had wings. It was a little disappointing to find out that she did not.

She took a moment to get to know the body they had given her and noticed that it was different than those of the beings who had disappeared, as well. They had been all angles and flat surfaces. She ran her hands down her stomach and around the swell of her hips. She was soft and curvy and the exact opposite of them, and she decided that she liked this body of hers better.

Eve finished admiring herself and turned around to see this so-called "partner" of hers, whatever that meant. She saw a figure lying on a thick patch of something green near the river. It looked as if it had the same shape as the two men who had created her. She made her way over to it, careful not to step on anything sharp with her brand new, soft feet. The man, Adam, they had called him, appeared to not know that she was there so she knelt beside him and touched his shoulder. Then she touched his shoulder a little harder because she liked the way his skin was yielding yet firm. She ran her hand down his arm. His skin was warm, warmer than hers. She studied his face for a moment and decided that she rather liked it. He was attractive, she decided, and he looked a little like the dark-haired, wingless guy who had just disappeared. The nose was a little different, she allowed, but she still found his face appealing and she wouldn't have minded if he opened his eyes and looked at her.

Just as she thought those words his eyelids fluttered and opened. For a moment he appeared to be dazed and he blinked several times, scowled even, as if he had just been having some very angry thoughts.

Adam sat up. "Hi," he said. Then, "Where's Lilith?"

Eve didn't know what a Lilith was. She smiled in a manner she hoped would be perceived as adorable and asked, "What's a Lilith?" Her voice felt tight in her throat and sounded a tad squeaky but she passed it off as being due to the newness of her body.

"My partner in this garden," he answered.

Eve felt a tide of molten rage surge through her body. Without warning she shoved Adam backwards and started screaming. "Oh really? Then what am I? Chopped liver? Don't I mean anything to you? How could you do this to me?"

Adam sat up once more and looked at Eve as if she were a crazy person. Eve didn't even know what 'crazy' meant but it seemed like the proper word for the way she was feeling at the moment. She didn't even know why she was so upset with him and concluded that it must be the way she was built. She wondered if perhaps she was broken but didn't share those thoughts with Adam.

"You are nothing to me at this moment," Adam answered honestly. "God gave Lilith to me and me to Lilith when we were created. Yesterday I watched her cross the river and pluck a fruit from that tree over there and take a bite of it. Then she disappeared. I waited for her to return for so long that I fell asleep. And now you're here. So where did Lilith go? And why does my side hurt?"

Eve bit her lip and considered her next words carefully. All of the ire drained out of her and she suddenly felt bad for Adam for having to go through whatever he was going through. She had not yet formed any attachments to anything or anyone but she instinctively felt that to lose such an attachment once it had been formed would be a very painful thing indeed.

"I am sorry," she said, "I do not know what came over me. I think I just didn't like the idea of you asking me about someone who I feel should be my rival in some way even though I have never met this Lilith person. Maybe it's the way I was made. I do not know where she is. I was created out of that mud right over there just a short time ago by two men, one dark-haired and one fair. One of them had wings. They made me and told me that you were to be my partner. Unless they meant something different by the word 'partner' I don't think your Lilith is coming back."

For the first time Adam looked at Eve and she felt like he really saw her. His eyes were wide and rimmed with red and his bottom lip quivered as if the words he wanted to say were poised and ready to fall but he was holding them back for some reason. She felt a sudden tingle in her brain and she asked, "Did you love her?" She didn't know what that word even meant. It sounded like a strange and mysterious word for a strange and mysterious thing and she didn't know how it had come to her. Perhaps Adam could explain it to her.

"Love?" asked Adam, "What's love?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "I was hoping you could tell me."

"Oh. Well, sorry about that." Adam scratched the back of his neck with one hand and rested the other on one hip. "I've never heard that word before." All of a sudden his face lit up and he said, "But God gave me the task of naming things so if you come up with a word and it doesn't have a meaning yet maybe I can come up with one."

Eve smiled. "OK. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, you asked the question in relation to my concern for Lilith so let's assume that the word 'love' relates to how one person feels about another person."

"That sounds believable."

"And let's assume that there are different levels of feeling."

"That makes sense. Do they already have names?"

"Do what have names?"

"These other feelings. If you're going to name one of them then you need to name all of them. So let's start on one side and work our way to the other."

Adam blinked at her as if surprised she could come up with such a sensible plan. Eve smiled at his disbelief and wondered who this Lilith person had been. She couldn't have been a very smart person for Adam to seem so surprised by Eve's simple suggestion. Consequently, she decided that she didn't care for Lilith at all but Adam, apparently, thought very highly of her so Eve swore to herself that she would try to be understanding. At the same time she reminded herself that understanding has a limit and she promised her newly minted self that she would not simply lie down and let Adam wipe his feet on her backside.

He continued to stare at her with his brow knit for quite some time and Eve started to wonder if he would ever speak again. A small, insidious part of her wanted to smack him on the back of the head to see if that would get him started again. Instead she asked, "So where would you like to start?" in hopes of spurring his thoughts and getting him started once again.

It worked.

"Let's start with that word you said, 'Love'. It sounds like a wide word, doesn't it?" He then started repeating the word over and over, accentuating different parts of it, "Llllllllllove. Looooooooooove. Lovvvvvvvvvve. It has depth, right?"

Eve started to agree but Adam was on fire with this new task of naming emotions. His eyes grew bright and he started pacing in front of her. Eve noticed that he was walking back and forth between two small, flat rocks that he easily could have stepped over. She wondered if he even knew that he was, for all purposes, boxing himself in.

He said, "But it's also a soft word because of the 'l' sound."

"So maybe it should be the word for a very strong, very good feeling about someone," suggested Eve, getting caught up in Adam's excitement.

Abruptly, Adam stopped pacing and just stood with his back to her. She watched his bare back for a while, watched his ribs move, and noticed a small scar on his side. She wondered if he was still in pain and was about to mention the scar when all of a sudden he reeled around and jabbed a finger at her.

"What did you do that for? I was getting there! You just stole my thunder!"

"What's thunder?" she asked, confused by his rapid change in demeanor.

"That's not the point!"

Eve had had just about enough of his silly little tantrum. "You're acting like a child!" she screamed back, followed quickly by, "And I don't even know what a child is but it sounds like something truly unpleasant and I sure hope I'm never around one if it acts like you. I was only created a short time ago and I have better control over my emotions than you do!"

"Oh really?"

"Really!"

Adam drew so close to her that she felt the wetness in his mouth landing on her forehead. "Then why are you screaming, too?"

Actually, she thought, he has a point. "OK," she conceded, "I understand why you were upset. Kind of. But I don't appreciate being yelled at. And I think you could be a little nicer. That dark-haired guy—"

"God," interrupted Adam.

"God? Really? What kind of a name is God? Anyway, God said that we were to be partners and that means that I get to have a say, too."

A far away look swept across Adam's face as if he was listening to voices only he could hear. It passed quickly and he immediately said, "I almost stopped existing just so that they could make you out of a piece of me so that you would be connected to me."

"What just happened to you?" she asked.

"I remembered," he said simply.

"How?"

"Doesn't matter. All that matters is that they took a piece of me to make you and that must mean that I have more say in this world than you. It probably means I'm more important to God, too, since I was made in his image, after all."

"Actually, your nose is quite different. And you're pale whereas God is dark."

"But I'm a man. I have all of the man parts. You're a woman and though you're nice to look at and our parts fit together perfectly, or rather, my parts fit perfectly with Lilith's; I'm not sure about yours just yet, it's obvious to everyone that I was the original and you were an afterthought. You were made to fit me, not the other way around."

"Who is everyone? We're the only ones here and it's certainly not obvious to me. Unless you're talking about the trees? That big-nosed bird that has been staring at us this entire time and I think wants to take a bite out of my neck? The rocks? Or maybe that serpent thing hanging out by those trees God said not to eat from. What's with that, anyway? It's way creepy."

"What serpent?" Adam asked, shifting his angry gaze form Eve to the island with the trees. "Oh, you mean the snake?"

"No, I mean the serpent. It has legs. It also seems to be smiling at us. How can you not see that?"

"It does not," Adam said even as he moved to the very edge of the river and squinted into the trees on the other side. A moment later his shoulders fell and he sighed, "Oh, he does have legs. That's weird I never noticed. To be honest I've never really paid much attention to it. God said not to go near the trees so I've never crossed the river. And the snake—"

"Serpent."

"Serpent," he said, "Sorry, never crosses over here so I've never been that close to it."

"What a good little boy you are," said Eve dryly.

She meant it to be insulting but Adam completely missed the point. He turned back to her and said, "I am, thank you. Lilith, however, was not good. She didn't obey. You were created once Lilith went missing so it seems as if a woman is a replaceable thing, interchangeable, even. One is just as good as the next."

"I'd like to make you go missing," Eve muttered. Once again Eve felt heat rise to her cheeks. Rather than respond right away and say something else she might later regret she turned around and walked a few paces away from him. She heard movement behind her, the sound of the squish and suck of the river mud on feet, and knew that Adam was coming closer. She stifled the urge to smack him across his face as he came up behind her.

"Now you sound like Lilith. She was kind of a bitch, too," he paused then added, "I miss her."

Eve sighed. Not much time had passed since her creation and already she felt emotionally exhausted. Dealing with Adam took a lot of energy. It occurred to her that though Adam said he had been created to name the things in the garden, she had been created for another purpose: to support Adam and take care of him and help him. She recognized and accepted that there was a part of herself that had been created specifically to be there for Adam, as evidenced by the almost painful twinge she felt in her chest whenever she thought about seeing if she could hold his head under the river and seeing if he could breathe under water. At the same time she wasn't about to support Adam if he wasn't going to support her. Strangely, this knowledge seemed to be beyond Adam's understanding and completely outside his realm of thought, which actually gave Eve the upper hand. I can do this, she thought, and the next time Adam starts acting like a jerk I'll just throw it in his face that love is a two way street and the amount of energy it will take for him to decode and understand that sentence will take him the better part of a day.

Adam placed his hands on Eve's shoulders and she found the weight surprisingly comforting instead of annoying. She supposed that it was time to start building a bridge between them while making him think that it was entirely his idea. Shouldn't be too difficult, she thought.

Eve turned around and embraced Adam. His body stiffened at the unexpected contact but a moment later his arms went around her waist. Against she was surprised that the feeling of their bodies coming together felt rather nice. "I am sorry," she said into his shoulder, "I think that we have a lot of work to do and to start off our association with arguments is counterintuitive to our ultimate goal. You are used to things being a certain way and I understand that change can be difficult to process. But for my sake I need for you to understand that I am not, nor will I ever be, Lilith. I need for you to not compare us anymore, at least not out loud, because I know it will be impossible to not compare us at all. But I am a different person with different thoughts, feelings, drives, and so I only ask that you not judge me up against the one who came before me, but that you accept me as I am. I am Eve. Hear me roar."

"You know a lot of big words. Why do you know a lot of big words?"

"I don't know. I think God gave them to me." She didn't bother to add that she assumed that God knew what she would be dealing with and so had preemptively given her the means to combat any of Adam's not-so-latent chauvinism. Even as she thought these things she wondered what half of them were, but as long as they swayed Adam to her way of thinking then she was willing to go with it. She could always ponder the meanings of her thoughts later.

Adam hugged her tighter then released her. "Okay," he said, "I think that this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"What's a friendship? I thought this was a partnership?" Eve asked, eager to know exactly where she stood in the big scheme of things. "Was Lilith your partner or your friend?"

Adam walked over to the river and knelt down beside it. He dipped his hands into the water and started to drink. Between slurps he said, "Lilith had been my love," slurp, "You will be my friend," slurp, "Until we get to know each other," slurp, "Better."

"Did you need to get to know Lilith better?"

"No. She had been created with me, for me."

"And I was created _of_ you. What does that mean to you?"

"That your creation almost killed me," he said and leaned back against a nearby rock. He looked at her as if she had just asked the stupidest question in the world and she realized that he truly didn't get it.

"Do you get the feeling that we're in some sort of ridiculously unbelievable story where a man and a woman on different socioeconomic plateaus despise one another and try to destroy each other and then eventually fall in love despite the fact that it's completely unrealistic and silly?" Once more words came unbidden into her mouth and she was left pondering their meaning.

Adam, somehow, seemed to understand, and he answered, "I think that's called a Harlequin romance."

"That sounds dirty," said Eve as she took a seat beside Adam.

"The best ones are."

"Whatever you say."

Adam placed his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. "Now, let's talk about feelings."

And they did. They spent much of the day debating and eventually, after Eve skillfully redirected Adam's numerous missteps, came up with a list that they felt comprised the full spectrum of human emotion. They proclaimed that 'love love' was the highest, most wonderful feeling and 'wish you could annihilate with a glance' was the worst feeling you could have for someone or something. All-in-all Eve thought that though the day had started out shaky, it had ended well.

Adam fell asleep soon after the sun set but Eve lay on the moss beside him, unable to sleep. Her mind raced. She didn't know what she was doing here. Adam was exhausting and she wasn't sure she would be able to convincingly manipulate him into thinking that all of the ideas that she fed to him were really his. But it was what she had been created to do so she figured that she may as well get comfortable with the idea. She wondered if anyone else would ever come along to challenge her more fully.

With that thought she sat up. The moon was a sliver in the sky just above the trees but the stars were so numerous that there was still plenty of light. She looked around their little clearing and wondered if there was anything she could do to keep herself busy. She looked around for any animals to talk to but it appeared that all of the animals that had passed through their clearing during the day were also asleep. She wasn't sure she would be able to find her way back if she wandered off in search of something so she stayed put. But she wasn't happy.

Finally her eyes lit upon the island with the two forbidden trees. She had yet to ask Adam why they were not supposed to eat any of the beautiful, shiny fruit that hung from their branches and made a note to ask him in the morning. At first she thought that the serpent had left because she didn't notice him but the longer she looked the more detail she noticed. The fruit on the trees appeared to be giving off a slight reddish glow. It enticed her. Without really knowing what she was doing she found herself on her feet, walking slowly toward the river. She told herself that she didn't want to cross it, that she didn't want to see the trees up close, that she certainly didn't want to eat any of the fruit. I just want to look, she thought.

And then she saw it. The serpent was still there. Its long body was wrapped around a low tree branch and blended in almost completely with the color of the trees in the shadows. Once she saw it she was possessed with the eerie feeling that it had seen her, too. Then it moved and that movement brought its head into the starlight. It was staring straight at her. She could have sworn that it was smiling as if it knew something, something Eve wanted to know, something she wasn't supposed to know, which made her want to know it all the more.

The serpent blinked and Eve realized that she had walked halfway across the river without knowing it. Her legs tingled where the water touched her as if thousands of fingers were tapping against her skin. She turned and practically ran out of the river and back to Adam, who didn't even stir as she lay back down beside him. She closed her eyes and tried to get the image of the glowing fruit out of her mind. It still took her a long time to fall asleep and until she did she could feel the serpent's eyes on her. And she knew that it was still smiling.


	6. 6 Just a Jump to the Left

**Chapter 6 – Just a Jump to the Left**

Things were going well. Or at least as well as could be expected considering Adam and Eve were complete strangers who had been thrown together and who were currently being forced to cohabitate. Ooh, thought Eve, cohabitate is a good word, a pithy word. It was the kind of word that would make Adam roll his eyes at her and ask her why she insisted on using words that were really long. This would in turn make her roll her eyes at him and ask him why he insisted on being such an imbecile. And things would only decelerate from there.

It wasn't her fault that God had given her the capacity to think in grandiose terms but had only given Adam the capacity to think in general, very immediate terms. Adam would not be placated with this explanation. He didn't like it. He also didn't like it when she became eloquent in describing a sunset or a flower or an animal. It bothered him for some reason. She had asked him just that morning if it made him feel somehow inferior and he had gotten angry, probably because he didn't understand what 'inferior' meant. That's why she had excused herself to take a walk. And that's how she met the man, wait . . . the creature . . . who called himself Satan.

She was wandering aimlessly, creating rhyming words in her head to describe the way she felt about Adam and what a jerk he was being (barbarian, miscreant, nincompoop, dope, airhead, nitwit) when she heard a throat clearing. At first she thought that Adam had followed her and she turned around, prepared to give him the scolding of his life because what she needed was a little alone time, but instead of Adam she was greeted to the sight of a fair-haired man who looked a lot like Adam. Well, except for the nose.

"Um, hello?" she ventured. She had never spoken to anyone except the Creator and Adam and wasn't sure how to approach anyone else.

"Hi, babe," he said. He was leaning up against a tree in a nonchalant way that Adam could never pull off if he was given a million years. He looked completely at ease in the garden, in his skin. But though she herself and Adam both lived without need of anything to cover their bodies, this man had something draped across his chest and about his waist. Still, she could see enough of him to know that he was an exquisite specimen of a man.

"Babe?" Eve asked, "I am unfamiliar with that term."

"What? You mean Adam never calls you 'babe'? I find that hard to believe. I mean, look at you. You are a vision. Better than Lilith even, though she'd kill me of she ever heard me say that.

Eve raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You knew Lilith?"

"I did. And she had fantastic watermelons. "

"Watermelons?"

"You know, those things on your chest that Adam doesn't have. They're great fun."

"Yes, Adam does like playing with them a lot. If I'm being completely honest, a little too much. He's completely obsessed with them."

"Oh, we're all obsessed with them. Have you considered that maybe you're not interested because he just doesn't know what he's doing with them?" suggested the stranger.

"I—Wait, why am I even having this conversation with you? Why are you here? I thought we were the only two beings in the garden. "

"Really? You have no idea?" he asked.

"None"

"I am the Satan. I was once called Sataniel but they shortened my name when I left Heaven. I was an angel before I realized that God was a total douche"

Eve shook her head. She felt as if she should know these terms but their meaning eluded her. "Angel? What's an angel?"

The being who called himself Satan sighed heavily. "So they didn't even prepare you to meet me?"

"What? What do you mean? Who is 'they'?"

"God and Michael"

"Oh" said Eve, finally feeling as if she had something to contribute to the conversation, "I know God. Adam told me a little about him."

"But not Michael?"

"No. Was he the other one?"

Satan sighed and said, "The sad thing is that I don't even think he'd be disappointed because he's probably used to it by now."

"Why?"

"Because he's a lapdog. He'd be upset to hear me say it and he strains against the bit sometimes but he's unable to shake loose. It's actually very sad." His voice took on a wistful tone as he added, almost to himself, "I miss him."

But then he seemed to shake himself out of it and he said, "But enough about me. I want to know about you. Did you know that God wanted you to be a boy?"

"No way."

"Yeah. God wanted to make you a dude but Michael talked him out of it."

"Thank God," muttered Eve. She shuddered at the thought of being a man, with his one-track and easily manipulated mind.

"No, thank Michael," Satan corrected.

Eve grinned, "Point taken. So, Michael is an angel?"

"What gave it away, the wings? The overall glowiness?"

Satan took a step towards Eve and she instinctively backed away toward the perceived safety of the overgrown path. Something about the look on Satan's face, the way his lips were twisted into a soft and conniving smile, the way his vivid blue eyes glinted with mischief, told her that he was up to something that Adam might not be too pleased about. Or maybe it was something in his gait, the way he kept taking slow, deliberate steps toward her as if daring her to run. He was cocky . . . Far cockier than Adam could ever hope to be . . . But at least he was cocky without condescension. Plus, she admitted to herself, he is sexy as hell.

"Hell," she muttered, enjoying the smooth feel of the word on her tongue. She loved when new words popped into her head unbidden like that and was rarely able to refrain from speaking them out loud.

"What is hell?" asked Satan as he came closer.

She didn't have time to give him a thoughtful response because she looked up and suddenly Satan was standing right in front of her. Her heart gave a little jump in her chest and she took a deep and shuddering breath. He was still smiling. His eyes danced with unseen lights and she found herself mesmerized by them. "You are beautiful," she whispered. "What kind of a God could gaze into your eyes, look upon your face, and then cast you out?"

"A crazy God," came the answer, which wasn't really any answer at all.

"Crazy how?" she asked, choking on her suddenly dry throat.

Satan jumped away from her and started talking excitedly and she could only watch, transfixed by his strange behavior. "It was strange the way it happened. I was working for God, I was toiling away under God's thumb to build him a man, and it suddenly struck me. All of the pieces seem to fit into place. And you think, 'What a sucker you've been, what a fool.' The answer was there all the time. It took a small accident to make it happen. _An accident_! And that is how I discovered the secret."

"What secret?"

"That elusive ingredient . . . that spark that is the breath of life . . . yes, I have that knowledge! I hold the key to life itself!"

Eve raised her eyebrow and rolled her eyes at the man, sorry, ex-angel in front of her. Adam always hated it when she rolled her eyes at him. "What are you saying? That you're just like God? That you can create life, too? What is it with men thinking that they always have to be in competition with each other?"

"Trust me, honey, if there were another woman around you'd be all set to compete as well, so don't pretend you're above it. We're petty, competitive creatures. It's how he made us . . . _All _of us, strangely enough. But I am not lying or trying to make myself seem more than I am. I was an angel so I'm already better than you and Adam. And I was the first one to breathe life into Lilith. And had I been around I would have breathed life into you, as well."

His tirade over, he leveled his eyes at her and her knees went weak. This feeling was new to her. It was terrifying but she didn't want it to stop. God had instilled within her a lust for all things new and unique: words, emotions, physical sensations. And the mere closeness of Satan as he sidled up to her made it hard for her to think clearly and form those large words she was so fond of.

"Do you know what happened to Lilith?" she asked, trying to change the subject so that he would stop looking at her like that, like a predator would look at his cornered prey.

"I do," he said, not even blinking.

"What happened?"

"She wanted more than Adam could give her. She found me, brought me into the Garden, and I brought her to the trees on the little island, you know, the ones God said not to eat from."

"Yes."

"I told her to eat the fruit."

"How could you do that?" Eve shouted suddenly, aghast at the implications of what he had done. "Adam loved her!"

Satan narrowed his eyes and hissed, "What could you know of love? You're only human, after all. Therefore you know nothing."

"God gave me a lot of knowledge and I because I am female I understand a great deal more from instinct alone."

"Whatever," said Satan, shaking his head, the soft, golden tendrils of his hair brushing against the tops of his very manly shoulders.

"So after she ate it what happened?" Eve whispered.

"Unfortunately she chose to eat from the wrong tree and she died."

"Died?"

"Well, not really. She was unmade, in a way, but really it just meant she had to leave the garden and all that it encompasses. She is still out there, gathering my forces for me."

"What forces?" Eve asked. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth and she struggled to concentrate on what was being said for she instinctively felt that it was important. But this angel, this Satan, was so close to her she could easily reach out and touch him. And she so badly wanted to touch him.

"I have a feeling you'll see soon enough."

She knew that she should turn and run and tell Adam all about this. She knew that she should go back to their little clearing and pray or something and ask for forgiveness for the increasingly graphic images now running through her mind, but there was nothing in her body at that moment that wanted to go anywhere or do anything that might take her away from this glorious ex-angel before her.

Satan seemed to know the effect he had on her and the thought that she was so transparent made her face burn. "You're turning red," he said softy. Eve backed up until she hit a tree and Satan placed his arms on the branches on either side of her. She closed her eyes because she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't even hear the screaming of her own conscience over the riot he was causing in her senses.

A soft voice to Eve's left whispered into her ear. "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh—erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it."

The voice was so similar to Satan's that she didn't realize that it wasn't him talking until Satan brushed her cheek with his fingertips and whispered into her other ear, "Whatever you do," he whispered, "Don't look."

Immediately Eve's eyes popped open and head swiveled to the left so that she could look up into the branches of the sprawling tree above her and there, nestled amongst the leaves and twigs, rested the Serpent. Eve couldn't stop herself: she screamed and pushed Satan away so that she could get out from under the tree.

Satan dropped his arms and backed up, sighing heavily. "Great. Just great," he muttered.

"It talks!" Eve exclaimed from several paces away. Her chest rose and fell sharply with each panicked intake of breath and her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

"Of course it talks," said Satan, "It's a serpent. What did you expect?"

"So you see its legs, too?" she asked, "I wasn't just imagining that part?"

Satan chuckled. "Oh yes, it has legs. Once again, it's a serpent."

"Why couldn't the others see them, then? Adam thought it was a snake."

"So did Lilith at first. But people see what they want to see, what their minds are capable of seeing. God granted you with much more than he gave to Adam. Probably because you're version 2.0, which makes Adam somewhat obsolete." Satan smiled but Eve was not consoled at all.

The serpent that had stared at her while she slept had now been far too close to her and she really didn't want to share any space with it. Her vision suddenly blurred and when she blinked to clear her eyes something wet trickled down her cheeks. She touched the dampness there and then studied the clear liquid glistening on her fingertips. "What's this?" she asked, suddenly gripped by a new and completely unfounded fear, "I'm leaking!"

Satan approached and glanced at her face and wiped the moisture away. He looked at it on his fingertips and then touched them with his tongue. "Salty," he said.

"What does this mean?" she asked. "Am I to be unmade? Is my body unmaking itself?" She didn't know why she felt so out of control all of a sudden. It was the same as whenever Adam brought up the subject of Lilith, only worse. She felt hot and dizzy and shaky and her stomach felt ill and turned inside-out. "And why do I feel like this?"

Satan laughed and led Eve to a nearby cluster of rocks and gestured for her to sit. She glanced at the serpent to make sure that it was still in the same tree and had not snuck up on them during her breakdown and then sat, grateful for the excuse to get off her trembling legs. "Thank you," she said

Satan stood before her, grinned widely, and said, "I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey,"

"Um . . . Okay?" Eve said, a little uncertain about what was to come. She certainly didn't expect him to start singing.

"It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll. But listen closely, not for very much longer. I've got to keep control."

And from across the clearing came another voice, a voice she now recognized as coming from the serpent. "I remember doing the Time Warp. Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me. And the void would be calling . . ."

And then in unison the two of them, fallen angel and serpent, sang out, "Let's do the Time Warp Again!" Satan spread his arms out wide and wiggled his fingers spastically. Eve could have sworn the serpent was trying to do the same thing with its tiny toes.

And that was enough. Eve stood and started running. She didn't care where she was going as long as it was far away from the clearing and the crazy fallen angel and his serpentine minion. They are deranged and dangerous, she told herself as she ran. Her feet pounded the soft ground and she stumbled from time to time over unnoticed branches that seemed to reach out of the forest to trip her up.

She kept running in a blind panic until she hit an invisible barrier so hard that she bounced off of it and flew backwards right into a tree. She hit her head and collapsed, unconscious, on the ground.

"Why are you smiling?" asked the Serpent, drawing out the 's' sounds in its speech with its forked tongue.

"Because things are going well," Said Satan, "I never get to say that things are going well so I'm understandably excited when they do."

"Might I make a suggestion?" asked the Serpent.

"I'm not changing my plan," said Satan darkly.

"I'm not asking you to. I want to see how it all works out. But I think that perhaps you should change your name."

Satan shook his head in surprise. "Why would you say that?"

"Because by calling yourself Satan you are still connected in a way to those who cast you out of Heaven. If you were to change your name entirely you could widen the divide. And besides, 'Satan' is more of a job than a name. "

"So is 'God'."

"Point taken," said the Serpent, "I just thought I would mention it. You are God's adversary, of course, because there is no other, but you wouldn't walk around calling yourself simply 'Adversary', would you?"

Satan scowled and snapped a branch off of a nearby tree. The Serpent had a point but he couldn't very well think about that right now because he had other things to do. So he pushed the issue aside to concentrate on the present moment. "Who do you think Adam would rather see, Lilith or Eve?"

The Serpent answered quickly. "Lilith."

Satan grinned. "That's what I would have said. It's time to go pay Adam a visit, don't you think?"

"Whatever you say, Master," said the Serpent, and even through its unusual speech pattern Satan could hear the condescension.

"Don't patronize me, snake," said Satan, deliberately using a title that the Serpent hated. He took off in the direction of Adam and Eve's clearing which, consequently, was opposite the direction in which Eve had run.

Behind him he heard the Serpent call out in an offended voice, "That was rude!"


	7. 7 Don't Put on the Light

**Chapter 7 – Don't Put on the Light**

Wakefulness infringed upon Adam's dreams slowly, like the gentle lapping of waves. He hadn't much liked falling asleep alone (again) but if this was how Eve was going to wake him then he supposed he could find it in his heart to forgive and forget. Eve's fingertips brushed a lock of hair from his forehead with one hand while with her other hand she traced light, tiny circles down his chest. He shivered and started to say something but she placed a finger against his lips. The voice that spoke to him then did not belong to Eve.

"Oh, Adam. It's no good here. It will destroy you," said Lilith in a whisper.

Adam's eyes popped open but it was a moonless night and the trees overhung his mossy bed so he couldn't much at all. Even so, Lilith, or at least the person who sounded like Lilith, touched his eyelids with delicate fingers and closed them for him. And he let her. He had come to care for Eve over time but it was thoughts of Lilith that made his chest grow tight and made his eyes leak that weird, salty liquid. It was Lilith that he dreamed about at night and though he suspected that Eve was aware of this he couldn't make himself stop, not even if he wanted to. He had been created for Lilith, and she for him. Even the fact that she was kind of a horrible person who had suddenly stopped existing after eating a piece of forbidden fruit couldn't change that.

Lilith removed her hand and he kept his eyes closed because his senses seemed heightened when he couldn't see and he wanted to feel everything. She draped her body over his and he tried to remember if she had always felt so cold, so light, almost as if she wasn't really there. But he didn't question it because she was back, and she was his, and his happiness was making him smile until his cheeks ached.

In between her airy kisses he said, "Don't worry, Lilith. God created this Garden just for us. We're safe here." Her hair brushed his cheeks and he inhaled. She smelled incredible, and also familiar. But she didn't smell like Lilith, at least not like the Lilith he remembered. He couldn't place the smell though he knew that he had smelled it before. "You smell so good."

Though he was greatly pleased by her attentions he wanted more. He lifted his arms to wrap them around her and immediately felt her pull away from him. At the same time she said, "Oh, Adam. Oh no. Not until later."

Adam scowled, pursed his lips, and tried to swallow his desire. "Alright, Lilith. I understand," he said, though he wasn't sure how convincing he sounded. Truth was, he did not understand. He couldn't remember the last time they had seen each other and because of that he felt certain that Lilith should want him as badly as he wanted her. Lilith's sudden disappearance and Eve's general irritation with him had taught Adam at least one thing: when you cross a woman, whether your reasons are sound or not, she is likely to make your life miserable.

The chilled, oddly-wonderful-smelling body of Lilith returned and straddled his hips. "Maybe we could try it this way," she said.

In his excitement Adam lost all control. "Lilith! Oh! Yes, it's alright."

"I hope so, my darling," she said and her voice sounded so small and far away that the desire that had coursed through him only moment before abated and he was left with only concern.

"Lilith, everything is going to be alright," he said. He forgot the game they had been playing and opened his eyes because he wanted to see the face that had haunted his dreams ever since her disappearance.

"No, don't open your . . ." Lilith said.

Or at least Adam thought she had said it because it had sounded like her voice. But when he opened his eyes the weight of her body on his vanished and he saw nothing but the canopy of leaves barely outlined in muted silver starlight. He was alone. Again. At once all of the desire and happiness and excitement he had felt the instant he had heard Lilith's voice just drained out of him. It must have been a dream, he told himself, but he only half-believed it. It had felt so real, different, but real. He wasn't sure he liked this world anymore if it was going to play tricks on him like that.

He wondered if he should pray about the fact that two women had now left him alone but decided that he was too sad to do anything but curl up into a ball and try to go back to sleep. He felt incomplete and that incompleteness was uncomfortable. He wrapped his arms around himself and lay back down, hoping to fall back asleep but doubting that he would.

"Really? That's all you've got? I must say that's kind of pathetic, even for a human."

Adam sat up and looked in the direction of the voice. A pale man, whose body was covered by a piece of red cloth, sat on a rock 20 paces away. He scowled at Adam and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What?" asked Adam. He and Eve were supposed to be the only people in the garden. God had been clear about that. So who was this guy and what had he done with Lilith? "What have you done with Lilith?" Adam demanded as he jumped to his feet, a move he immediately regretted as the man in the sash stood as well. For the first time ever Adam felt exposed because he had nothing with which to cover himself and he wondered why the other man smiled at him as if he knew what Adam was thinking. "What have you done with her?" he asked again, taking a step forward that he hoped looked at least a little menacing.

"Nothing," the man replied, "Why, do you think I should?" He came forward then and though Adam wanted to back away he stood his ground, refusing to be intimidated by this man who shouldn't have been there in the first place.

Adam suddenly realized that in his concern over losing Lilith for a second time he had forgotten about Eve. He quickly asked, "What did you do with Eve?"

"Nothing. Why, do you think I should?" The man asked.

He came to a stop in front of Adam and something deep within Adam's stomach twinged. He looked very, very familiar. In fact, he looked a lot like the reflection that Adam saw in the water when he knelt by the calm edges of the river for a drink. The only difference was that Adam was dark and this new man was very fair, so fair that he almost glowed in the minimal starlight. Well, that, and the nose.

"N-n-n-no," stammered Adam. The man made him nervous. His closeness made Adam's skin tingle and h shifted his weight from foot to foot in an effort to be more comfortable in his own body. It didn't work.

"Why shouldn't I do something to Eve? You seemed so happy to have Lilith back that I wouldn't think Eve would be of any consequence to you any longer."

Adam felt his face burn and wondered what was happening inside his body. He wondered what to call this new, terrible sickness in his stomach and wished that Eve was there because she would know what to call it in an instant. "You tricked me. I wouldn't have . . . I've never . . . Never . . ."

The man placed his hand on Adam's naked chest and then walked slowly around Adam, trailing his glowing hand across Adam's skin. "I know, but it wasn't all bad, was it? I think you found it quite pleasurable." He moved his hand up into Adam's hair and Adam couldn't help closing his eyes as the intimacy of the touch made him dizzy. "So soft. So sensual"

"Ahhh . . ." said Adam, momentarily unable to form words. Then suddenly he snapped back to reality and yanked his head away from the invading hand. "No. Stop. Lilith. I mean, Eve."

"Shush," said the man, "I can assure you that Eve is asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like this, so worked up over Lilith?"

Adam thought for a moment and bit his lip. Did he? No, of course not. She'd be so angry with him. Be he wasn't about to let this man, this creature win the fight. "Like this? Like how? It's your fault. You're to blame. I thought it was the real thing."

"And it was," said the man with a smile, "Well, kind of."

"Who are you?"

"I guess I might as well tell you. My name is Satan, but don't get hung up on it because I'm working on a new one."

"You glow," said Adam. "You can't be a man because you glow."

Satan winked and his grin widened. "Wow. Has anyone ever told you that you're a genius?"

"Lucifer," Adam said suddenly, finally remembering what the particular light in Satan's skin reminded him of.

Satan raised his eyebrows. "What was that?"

"I said, Lucifer."

"Not bad. But what does it mean?"

"It's the first star of the morning," said Adam. He added softly, "Eve named it."

"Hmmm . . . I'll have to think about that one. But thanks. So then, back to business for us?"

"And what is your business, exactly?" asked Adam.

Satan stepped toward Adam once more, a grin on his face that spoke of urges, both dark and pure, and Adam shuddered under his gaze. "Come on, Adam, admit it. It was enjoyable, wasn't it? There's no crime in giving yourself over to absolute pleasure."

Adam's head was starting to hurt as he tried to wrap his mind around what was happening. None of it made any sense at all. "But how? How did I hear Lilith? How did I feel her? Where did she go?"

"Do you want to feel her again?" asked Satan.

Without hesitation Adam replied, "Yes! And I'd like to see her, too."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to go into detail because I think it might make your little head explode and then God would be extra angry with me. So let's just say that Lilith is alive but she can't come back into the Garden. However, for a time, I let her borrow some of my power and she can pierce the protection of the Garden in one specific way."

Adam shook his head, so Satan came forward and placed his arm around Adam's shoulders, as a brother would do. Brother, he thought, that's a nice-sounding word. Adam suddenly wished he had a brother, a fellow man to share his troubles with. Perhaps that's what he would ask for the next time he prayed.

"Adam," said Satan, capturing Adam's short attention span once more, "I can bring Lilith to you. She will be able to touch you but you won't be able to touch her back. You will be able to talk to her, and she to you, but it might tire her out. Seriously, it's like every man's dream."

"What do you mean?" asked Adam, "I'm the only man and I've never dreamed of this."

"Nevermind. You've wasted so much time already. Eve needn't know. I won't tell her."

Adam looked into those glowing, bright blue eyes and wondered if he could trust this stranger. He wondered if he should pray about it then immediately decided against that route. So far God had given him two women who had run off and left him alone. He certainly didn't need a third and he didn't feel like giving up any more body parts in order for God to make him one. "You promise you won't tell?" he asked, barely daring to hope that this could be true.

"I swear to God that I won't tell a soul," Satan said with a smile.

"I don't think we're supposed to swear to God about anything," said Adam, feeling suddenly uneasy about all of this.

"Oh, please," said Satan, his eyes darkening. Will you just go lie down on your moss and close your eyes already?"

Adam did as he was told. Uneasiness danced on his nerves and made his hands shake as he lay down on his back on the moss. It was cold against his bare skin, which made him realize that he had never asked Satan why he covered himself up. He sat up to ask but Satan was already gone. He lay back down, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

After taking a few deep breaths to try to calm himself for what was about to happen he felt the slightest pressure on his hips. Then his shoulders. And then his lips as the ghostly Lilith kissed him. He moaned and kissed her back.

She pulled away and whispered, "Just keep your eyes closed and I'll show you how an angel makes love."

He realized at once why she had smelled so different yet familiar. She smelled like God, like Michael and, he suddenly realized, like Satan. He couldn't believe it: Satan was an angel. His Lilith was an angel. He smiled in the darkness and gave himself over to her completely.

Satan watched for only a few moments as the ghostly image of Lilith straddled Adam. He had seen enough of Adam's gyrations to last him an eternity and didn't care to watch Lilith's ghostly maneuvers, either. He had called to her after Eve ran off and met Lilith in the in-between place surrounding the Garden. When he had explained what he needed her to do and how to do it she had balked at first. She wasn't interested in the giving of pleasure without being able to actually feel anything herself. But then he reminded her that she was his to command since he had rescued her from God's tyranny in Heaven and she had reluctantly agreed to take part in his little scheme.

Just before he had stepped into Adam's clearing he had asked her how she was doing rounding up the other angels. She had smiled mischievously and said, "They're learning."

He still wondered exactly what she meant by that. He decided that women were the sources of both wonder and extreme frustration, which must have been why they were so much fun to look at.

Satan turned around and started to walk into the forest, eager to get away from the weird, animalistic sounds that Adam just started making. Above him, from its perch on a sturdy tree branch, the Serpent asked, "Don't you want to stick around and enjoy the show? I thought this was something you might like."

"Adam's an okay guy and all but he's pretty boring when he does this. There's a lot of grunting and clumsy groping. Kinda gross, actually."

The Serpent said, "You're forgetting that I've been watching them from the beginning. But you're right. He's not very good at it—whatever 'it' is."

Satan glanced into the forest. "It's time for part two of this plan. I have to go find Eve before they're finished doing . . ." he glanced back at the clearing, "Whatever it is they're doing. Stay here and keep an eye on things, will you?"

"Sure thing," said the Serpent as Satan walked away. As he navigated the forest he smiled to himself. The plan was going smoothly so far and the best was still yet to come.

Michael, who had been monitoring the goings on in the Garden with growing trepidation, sat back in his cloud chair and sighed loudly. "Well, shit."


	8. 8 Creature of the Night

**Chapter 8 – Creature of the Night**

Even before Eve opened her eyes the forest sounded different, louder and closer. She imagined the forest as a living entity, sneaking up on her, surrounding her, and pouncing. She imagined it suffocating her with waxy leaves and gnarled branches. It quickly became too much to bear with her eyes closed so she opened them, slowly, expecting something nasty to fly out of the forest and rip her face off. Instead of instantaneous agony a whole lot of nothing happened. Eve was fine with that.

She blinked up into a sky so filled with stars (an Adam word-she would have called them something more magnificent) that she felt as if she were being watched, though this time by something much more benign than a face-ripping monster. She reminded herself that God had created the Garden for her and Adam and so he would have no need to fill it with things that would harm them. Unless, of course, he was a sadistic maniac, but Eve hadn't really gotten that vibe from him during their one and only meeting.

Eve stood and brushed the dirt and debris from her backside and combed leaves and twigs from her long, thick hair. She wondered what had happened to her. Suppressing a shiver, she remembered the being who had called himself Satan and how he had suddenly and inexplicably burst into song with the Serpent as his backup. But before the song, before the freakish dance that made him look as if he were having some kind of fit, Satan had made Eve feel something else: desire. She tried to deny it, to shove it back into the deepest, darkest places in her mind, but even though she couldn't see it she still knew it was there.

A noise from the forest startled her and she jumped guiltily and tried to ignore the feelings that her memories were stirring. Her heart pounded hard against her ribs as she stared hard into the surrounding trees. The shadows between the trees seemed to move on their own and though her logical mind knew that she shouldn't be frightened she couldn't help it. She was frightened. And she didn't like being frightened. Suddenly all she wanted was to go back to the clearing, back to Adam. Though not as satisfying as that life may prove to be, at least she wouldn't be doing it alone. The only problem was that she didn't know where she was. She hadn't paid attention to anything when she ran from Satan and his pet Serpent. She hadn't much cared where her legs took her as long as they took her there quickly. But after that . . .

She realized with a start that she had no idea what had happened or how she had come to be lying on the ground. Clearly she had been there for a long time since the day had passed into night as she slept on, unaware. But she couldn't remember falling asleep, which was frustrating because in the short time since her animation she had prided herself on her great mental capacity and better than average, assuming that Adam was average, memory.

Eve frowned, bit her bottom lip, and started walking in a direction she hoped would take her back to the clearing she shared with Adam, her God-given partner in this life. She only took a few steps before her bare toe smacked into something not quite soft and yet not quite hard.

"That's weird," she muttered. She put up her hands and touched what had to be an invisible barrier. Wherever her skin that made contact with it tingled almost unpleasantly. She pressed her hands forward and the barrier appeared to be flexible, even though the harder she pushed the more intense the tingling became. She pulled her hands back and studied them carefully: they did not appear to be damaged at all. She stared hard into the forest on the other side of the invisible barrier, as if waiting for something to happen there, something that would make the purpose of the barrier known. But the nighttime forest on the other side was just as eventful as the forest on her side, which was not at all. So then she thought that she might step around it. If nothing else it would give her a good story to tell Adam about when she returned.

Eve pressed one hand against the barrier, ignored the tingling that traveled through her arm up to her shoulder, and started to walk. She hoped that she was at least headed in the general direction of her forest home but she couldn't really be sure. She eventually came to a clearing. She crossed it slowly, keeping her fingertips in contact with the wall, and by the time she reached the line of trees on the other side of the clearing, she felt certain that the invisible wall had no end.

For some reason this incensed her. She had been fine, relatively happy, living in the garden with Adam, knowing that this was the life God had created for them. But now that she knew that something existed outside of their idyllic garden, now that she knew that they were, essentially, trapped within an invisible wall and kept there against their knowledge, she felt a new emotion overcome her. She had always been curious and suspected that God made her that way on purpose, to balance out Adam's aloofness. Now, however, she knew that there was a whole world outside their small space, a world that existed untouched, unseen, unexplored. And she wanted badly to be the one to explore it.

She stopped walking and dropped her hand to her side. Looking up at the sky through the fringe of trees she noted that the stars had moved as she explored but morning was still a long way off. She wanted to be with Adam when he woke so that she could tell him what she had discovered but as she had no idea in which direction she should go, she figured she had better start trying to find her way back just in case it did take her the rest of the night.

She glanced back at the world on the other side of the invisible wall and felt a pang of longing in her heart that she had never felt before. She wanted to be free. Just as she wished that she could cross the barrier into the unknown something moved in the shadows on the other side. Eve jumped and her heart began to beat very quickly. Her hands began to shake and her eyes began to leak once more as the shadows moved again when something darted between trees. And then again. And again. She realized that each time she saw it move it was darting one tree closer to her. And closer. And closer.

When it reached the edge of the trees on the other side of the clearing it stopped. Eve squinted into the shadows, trying in vain to pick some discernible shape out of the mass of leaves and branches. And then, as if on command, the creature stepped out of the trees and stared back at her.

Eve stared back at it, her mind not able to fully comprehend what she was seeing. It was like nothing she had ever seen before, and appeared to be made of several of the known animals and pieced together in some hideous mockery of life. It had the great head of an eagle, complete with a wicked beak, the arms and torso of a man, the hind legs of a lion, and two enormous sets of wings that appeared to be made of feathers but she couldn't be sure from that distance. On top of all that the creature glowed a dim blue color that might have been reassuring had it not been so entirely monstrous.

Monster, thought Eve, and she knew immediately that that was the right word. "Monster," she whispered.

The two of them stared at each other for what felt like a very long time. Eve sized the creature up and wondered if this barrier worked both ways. Then she wondered if the creature even knew about the barrier. She wondered if it ate human flesh. Then all of a sudden it opened its beak and screamed out an unmistakable word.

"Lilith!"

Eve jumped and screamed and the creature disappeared back into the trees. Shivering, terrified, unsettled by the creature's very existence, and curious about its connection to Lilith, Eve turned to run out of the clearing herself but stopped when the bushes just to the right of where she had been about to reenter the forest began to rustle.

She swallowed her fear and, operating under the assumption that God would not allow creatures into the garden that would harm her and Adam in any way, asked in a tremulous voice, "Who is it? Who's there?"

"It's only me, Eve," said Adam.

Eve felt relief flood through her and in response her legs became wobbly and unsure and her eyes filled with tears, blurring her vision completely. But it didn't matter if she could see anymore because at least she wouldn't have to hunt for her home alone. Adam had found her.

"Oh, Adam, come in, darling," she said, throwing her arms wide and then closing them again as she felt his warm, solid body move forward to hold her. Almost without pause he began to kiss her cheeks, her neck, and her shoulders. Though Eve badly wants to tell him about the strange creature and the barrier, as soon as she opens her mouth to do so, he covers it with his own. Eve's thoughts vacillate between happiness and relief to see Adam, urgency to tell him what she saw, and irritation that rubbing his body against hers is all he seems capable of thinking about. But you have to admit, she told herself, he does feel awfully good.

He released her mouth and kissed a trail across her jaw to her earlobe and Eve struggled to find the words to begin her story, but Adam was very distracting. "Oh Adam . . .," she moaned, "Oh yes, my darling," she urged as his kisses moved lower, as did his hands, and despite everything that had happened she felt herself responding to his touch. "What if . . ." she began half-heartedly, not even sure what words would come next. He saved her the trouble of having to come up with some as he kissed her lips once more.

When he pulled back he whispered against her mouth, "It's alright, Eve. Everything's going to be alright."

That was when Eve noticed something was a little off. Although Adam had his hands all over her, he hadn't yet made for her watermelons, which was odd because that was usually where his hands went first. She started to notice other things as they kissed: he tasted sweeter than she remembered, his skin was warmer, and his touch was far gentler than anything she had come to except from him. She realized with a start that this was not Adam. Even more surprising was to find out that she didn't really mind.

She worked her hands in between them, placed them firmly against his chest, and suddenly pushed as hard as she could. The man stumbled backwards and when he lifted his pale face to the starlight Eve finally saw who it was. "You!" she spat.

Satan chuckled and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "I'm afraid so. But isn't it nice?"

There was something different about him this time, a self-assuredness that brought to Eve's mind the idea that something had come to fruition with him. If she was what he wanted, then perhaps he had done something to get Adam out of the way. Her voice full of fear she spat, "You beast. You Monster. What have you done with Adam?"

"Nothing," he said, taking a step toward her once more, "Why? Do you think I should?"

"You tricked me . . ." Eve began, but once more she found herself at a loss for words. Something about this being, this Satan, drew her in. Though he wore a cocky expression on his face, in his eyes there lived sadness, loneliness, and unquenchable longing. Eve felt herself reflecting that longing back to him as she gazed into his eyes and once again lost her words. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was slightly unhinged. He was probably dangerous. She wanted him anyway, just as badly as she wanted to cross that invisible wall and explore the rest of the world.

"I know," said Satan, approaching her once more and, finding no resistance, wrapping his arms around her. He spoke between passionate kisses, "But it wasn't all bad, was it? In fact, I think you found it quite pleasurable. So soft," he caressed her throat with his lips, "So sensual."

Eve's senses were blown. She couldn't link her thoughts together long enough to tell herself to run away from him. The only thing she could think about was how not like Adam he was, how his touch made her skin sing, how he was so gentle and caring and not at all in a hurry, like Adam always was. Still kissing her, Satan walked forward with her in his arms until they were back within the safety of the woods once more. There he lowered Eve onto a soft patch of grass and started to stroke her body with expert hands.

Eve made noise. She had never made noise before, had never felt the need with Adam, or maybe he had just never given her the time, but sounds were suddenly bubbling up from somewhere within her, "Oh, oh," and then, as she realized what she was doing, "No. Stop. I mean help." But she didn't really mean it. "I . . . Adam . . . Oh, Adam!" she exclaimed as if she had just remembered about him, which she had. Satan was doing a great job of keeping her mind focused on the task at hand.

"Shhhhh. Adam's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like this?" Satan asked.

For her part, Eve was irritated that Adam kept popping into her brain. So irritated, in fact, that she almost wished that Adam were here so that he could see what he had been doing wrong all this time. "Like this? Like how?" she teased, "It's your fault. You're to blame. I was saving myself . . ."

"For Adam alone? That's a cruel joke. Well, I'm sure you're not spent yet."

"Promise you won't tell Adam?" Eve sighed.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

Eve had no idea what that meant and she didn't care. She forgot about Adam, about God, about the monster lurking in the trees outside of the garden, about any pretense to custom and duty. And for a short time she simply existed. And it was very, very good.

* * *

><p>"That's not good," God said darkly, looking down through the hole in the clouds at the ex-angel and the second woman ever created writhing about on the forest floor. "He is testing me."<p>

Michael cocked an eyebrow at God and asked, "Aren't you testing all of them?"

"Man and woman, yes, in a way. I really was just curious to see what would happen. But Satan is another story altogether."

"How so?" asked Michael. The nature of God's relationship with Satan had always vexed Michael and he was still desperate to understand it.

God wasn't about to give Michael the satisfaction. He only shook his head and said, "I will send an angel to give them a message, to warn them that they have displeased me."

"Can you blame them? If I were a betting man I'd take an angel over a human any day. They don't stand a chance against Satan, especially when he's fighting so hard to win and they don't even know there's a war going on around them."

"I can blame them. And if they are so weak then let them be cast out of the garden. A few hundred years in the real world will toughen them up a little."

Michael thought about all of Satan's strange creations wandering the world and said, "No. Please don't do that. I'm sure they'll come and beg your forgiveness and burn some poor, defenseless animal in your honor to make up for their indiscretions. Just don't kick them out of the garden, okay?"

God turned to Michael and smiled, "Are you growing fond of my little creations?"

"I am," Michael admitted. He was not ashamed of his feelings. After all, he had helped God to re-form their bodies after their untimely implosions. "So, who are you going to send?"

"Gabriel."

"Oh," said Michael, not without some disappointment. He had been hoping God would see fit to send him down there to walk Man and Woman through this crisis.

"What?" asked God with a smirk that made Michael want to resort to violence, "You think I'd send you down there? Not going to happen. Go get Gabriel. Fill him in and send him down."

"Think he'll be able to do it?" asked Michael sarcastically.

God shrugged, "I think it will be fun to watch him try."


	9. 9 Dirty

**Chapter 9 – Dirty**

"Gabriel?" asked Michael. He landed gently beside a flat-topped mound of periwinkle clouds that was piled high with neatly organized stacks of paper. He couldn't see Gabriel over the stacks but that didn't mean that his brother wasn't present. "Gabriel? What's with all of the paperwork? Is God making us do paperwork now, because I didn't get the memo?"

A head topped with black hair, shockingly dark against the nearly unbearable pastel hues of the surrounding clouds, popped over the top of the papers. Nearly black eyes regarded Michael carefully then crinkled at the edges as Gabriel smiled. Or at least Michael assumed he was smiling-he couldn't really see the bottom half of Gabriel's face.

"Hi, Michael," said Gabriel. His voice was soft and deep, perfectly matching his dark countenance. "No paperwork for you guys, I don't think. This is just my system."

"For what?" asked Michael. He didn't often get a chance to talk to his brothers, though they often got together and played vigorous games of cloudball without him. Michael had never been invited and had too much pride to ask if he could come along. He had to admit that without Sataniel life in Heaven was turning out to be a big disappointment, so he gladly leapt at any chance to interact with someone else besides God.

"I'm God's messenger," explained Gabriel, "I have to deliver messages to people and my head is so full of them that if I don't write them down then I'll forget them or risk delivering the wrong message to the wrong person. Things could get messy."

Michael raised an eyebrow at his brother's obviously scattered brain. "There aren't that many of us to deliver messages to. Just us and Adam and Eve down there. Though when it comes to us I think God likes to do the dirty work himself just to watch us react, so that just leaves Adam and Eve. What's so confusing about that?"

Gabriel stood and stretched his arms upward and arched his back. Along with his arms, his jet black wings stretched high his above his head and quivered in the air for a moment before he folded them once more. Then he shook his head at Michael. "My head is not only full of the things I must say to Adam and Eve now, but the things I must say to all people of all times. How else would I remember a message that I'm supposed to deliver two millennia from now unless I write it down?"

Michael could appreciate the enormity of the task that God has set Gabriel upon. "Wow, God really screwed you over, didn't he?"

"Pretty much."

"And this is working for you?"

Gabriel chuckled as he rounded the mountain of paperwork and slapped Michael on the back. Michael wasn't ready for the gesture and barely kept himself from stumbling forward from the force of the blow. But he welcomed the gesture, however painful, as one of acceptance, "Not at all. I need to invent something, some sort of system that could mark the days and the years and keep all of my messages catalogued in chronological order. Then it could remind me whenever a message was due to be sent and . . ." Gabriel's voice trailed off and his dark eyes looked far away as if he were glimpsing a future Michael could only dream of. Then all at once his face screwed into a scowl and he sighed and trudged behind the desk once more. He took up a device and began to make marks on paper that Michael didn't understand, and then placed that paper on top of an already impressively large stack behind him.

"What was that?" Michael asked.

"That was me writing down the message to give the guy who invents the calendar."

"A calendar?"

"A device that marks the passage of time by days. But stemming from that there were so many other messages. I have to get someone to invent the computer. I already have it marked down when I will inspire someone to invent the Difference Engine, which will kick the whole thing off. From those humble beginnings will flow the Atanasoff-Berry Computer, the UNIVAC 1101, the IBM 701, the Intel microprocessor and the Apple I, and too many others to mention. It's really going to be a big deal. And stemming from the computer then we have smaller, portable devices, organizers to keep track of appointments, cell phones. Then I have to find this guy who will be named Steve Jobs and let him take the credit for inventing a thing called the iPhone."

Michael's head was spinning from all of this information that sounded to him like a lot of nonsense words strung together into an equally senseless sentence. "And these devices will help you keep track of your messages?" he asked, skeptical that Man and Woman would be able to decipher the angelic messages enough to actually invent any of the things Gabriel was talking about.

"Yes," said Gabriel, exhaustion shining in his dark eyes.

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Not exactly."

"Why?"

"I'm going to have to wait a really, really long time. I'll probably have carpal tunnel by then. I wonder if Heaven has a good health plan."

This was all getting to be a bit much for Michael. He wondered if the other angels were as down in the dumps about their God-given tasks as Gabriel seemed to be. "I don't know what carpal tunnel is but I'm here to get you away from your paperwork for a little while, at least. I've come to tell you—"

"To take a message to Adam and Eve," interrupted Gabriel. Michael bristled as Gabriel tugged a pink-hued piece of paper from the middle of the tallest stack. He scanned it quickly with his eyes and said, "Yes, this is it." And then he crumpled it up into a ball, popped the ball into his mouth, and started chewing.

"Seriously?" asked Michael, who was sick of trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, "Is everyone up here insane?"

Gabriel spoke past the half-chewed paper in his mouth to say, "I don't know what you mean."

Michael sighed, patted his brother on the shoulder, and said, "Just, as soon as you can, go to Earth and deliver the message. Man and Woman aren't together at the moment but I'm sure you'll be able to find them. You know what it's supposed to say, right?"

Still chewing, Gabriel simply grinned and pointed to his head. Michael took this to mean that the message was firmly lodged somewhere within.

"Ah . . . Okay then," Michael said. "Good luck." Michael extended his wings and brought them down firmly, which propelled him skyward. As he flew back to his favorite place from which to watch the goings on in the garden he found himself once more wishing that he could be the messenger, if only to get away from Heaven for a while.

* * *

><p>Adam crouched over the river and dipped his hands into the clear, icy water. He had just brought his cupped hand to his lips when a sudden flash of light and rumble of thunder startled him. He tumbled backwards and landed in the mud. When he opened his eyes and looked up he had expected to see a sky suddenly full of angry gray clouds but the sky remained bright blue, broken only by a pair of butterflies dancing around each other on a gentle breeze.<p>

So it wasn't a storm, he thought. And then he breathed, "Lilith." He gleefully imagined that perhaps she might have found a way to get back into the garden and make herself visible for good. He stood and turned around, eager to see the woman he loved.

As quickly has it had built the excitement faded when he saw a tall, hark-haired man standing where he had imagined Lilith would be. Adam squinted against the sunlight that suddenly pierced his eyes, and decided that perhaps it wasn't a man after all. At least he looked kind of like a man, but he had wings, which Adam didn't have. So if Adam didn't have wings and he was a man, and this being looked like a man but had wings, then he could not be a man in the commonest sense of the word. Unless of course . . .

Adam grabbed his head as if that might stop his brain from thinking itself into knots once again. Ever since he had woken up the slightest thought could set his mind tumbling off into a mental whirlpool of thinly connected words and images. And just like all of the other times, holding his head didn't help at all.

"Adam," the being said.

Adam looked up. "How did you know my name?"

The being rolled its eyes at him and asked, "Did God really give you that little to work with here?"

Adam shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about, bird-man. Wait!" he said suddenly as his thoughts cleared just enough to let in a bit of memory, "Are you like that other bird-man, Michael?"

"We are not bird men. I am Archangel Gabriel and you're supposed to be impressed with my awesomeness . . ." Adam just continued to stare at him in awed silence, so the being added, "Or something . . ."

Adam approached the figure warily, intrigued by its wings, so different from those of the other angel, Michael. Whereas Michael's were pale, this angel's, Gabriel's, were as dark as a moonless night. That is, as dark as the night would be if it were not also filled with countless stars, which would then make the night not quite so dark and when he went out by himself to relieve himself in the forest on those moonless night he could still see the opossums dangling right over his head, and then there was that one time where one of them dropped a little opossum right onto Adam's head and Adam remembered shrieking and running back to the clearing only to find . . .

"Arrrghh!" Adam yelled just to shut his thoughts up.

"That's an interesting word," said Gabriel, "What does it mean?"

"It means that my mind has been a mess ever since I woke up this morning and I can't figure out why."

Gabriel closed his eyes and smiled as if he were hearing voices in his head. "I know why."

"Please, please tell me," Adam suddenly cried and dropped to his knees in front of the angel. "Please take this affliction from me!"

Gabriel opened his eyes and looked down. "Um, have you ever heard the term 'personal space'?"

"No."

"Well, you're in mine. Scoot back a little with your groveling and then we'll talk."

Adam scooted backwards on his knees, noting as he did that the wavy trails his knees left in the dirt were snake-like. Then again, he thought, he'd never seen a snake thick enough to make tracks like this. Except for the Serpent he had seen in the forbidden trees, but then again he hadn't seen the Serpent in a while and he wondered where it could have gotten off to and . . .

"Enough!" Adam screamed.

Gabriel jumped at the sudden outburst but didn't appear otherwise frightened. "Your thoughts really won't turn off, will they?" he asked.

"No. It's awful. You said you know why."

"I do."

"So tell me, please."

"You disobeyed your creator."

Adam scowled and tried to think of what he might have done wrong but he got caught up in a whirlpool of thoughts about whirlpools, which would have concluded in a decision that whirlpools were generally bad, if his mind ever slowed down enough for him to reach a conclusion at all. He forced himself to speak through clenched teeth, "How? We didn't eat from the tree."

Gabriel appeared thoughtful, and then said, "You're right. I suppose you weren't _technically _disobedient because God never factored in that such a thing could or would happen, but you did do something that displeased him. So your mind is messed up and he sent me down here to give you a message."

"OK. Anything," said Adam, "What's the message, then?"

"Don't do it again. Ponder the eternal consequences of your actions before you act, pray on your deeds before you do them, and ask for guidance in everything you do."

"Are you kidding?" he exclaimed, and then added once he saw Gabriel's dark eyes flash, "No, you're not. OK, sounds fine. Can you fix me now?"

"I can't but my brother, Raphael, can."

Adam looked around but could see no other angels in the clearing. "Where is he? Why can I not see him?"

Gabriel smiled in a way that looked serene but Adam had the feeling it was forced. "I have called him to us from Heaven," Gabriel said.

With another flash of blinding light, accompanied by another boom that made Adam's ears ache, Raphael arrived. Adam once more fell backwards and the cold river mud squished between his fingers. It made him think of slimy things, dark things, things that didn't belong in his mind at all and yet due to his affliction he was forced to follow said things into a place of darkness and eternal torment.

Adam gripped his head, not even caring about the mud that streaked his cheeks and matted in his hair, and placed his forehead upon the cool ground. Still his thoughts continued down their chosen path into darkness and despair.

Over the spinning of his own horrible thoughts he vaguely heard the sound of Gabriel speaking, then another voice that he didn't recognize responding. That must be Raphael, he thought. They were talking about him, and not in the best terms, either, but he couldn't even make himself be offended.

"This is God's great creation. Behold: Man!" said Gabriel in an unapologetically mocking tone.

"So that's what he's become? I have to say I'm not impressed," said the other voice.

"Well, to be fair he is experiencing a bit of a side effect of displeasing God, so he's probably not at his best at the moment."

"Hmmm . . . And what do you expect me to do about it? If God is punishing him them maybe we should just let him suffer until God sees fit to . . . What's that?"

"It's a message from God," answered Gabriel. "Read it aloud."

Adam heard the sound of something crinkling, then the new voice said, "'Man is a mess. Fix him. Signed, God.'" The crinkling sound came again, followed by Raphael mumbling, "You could have just said so."

"I am a messenger. I deliver messages. It's what I do."

"Let's get to work, then," said Raphael.

"No. My work here is done. I have to go find woman and give her her message . . . " Adam's mind snapped back into sharp focus at the mention of Eve but then quickly tumbled into a quagmire of thoughts about how he had lost track of Eve in his obsession with Lilith and how he wished he knew where she was and what if she had been eaten by a wild animal and . . .

Adam moaned but didn't move or open his eyes. Gabriel said, "Just get him all fixed up and you can head back to heaven."

"You sure you won't need help 'fixing' Woman, too? I can stick around."

"No. Her mind is much stronger than his. She'll be fine after I give her my warning."

Adam struggled out of his own thoughts to try to open his eyes but his eyes wouldn't respond. Instead he moaned once more into the dirt. A sudden gust of wind told him that one of the angels, probably Gabriel, had just flapped his enormous wings and taken off, supposedly to find Eve.

"Sit up," said the remaining angel, Raphael. Adam did as he was told even though sitting up made him think of all of the different ways that one could sit and, inversely, all of the different things that people could sit on, and which were good and which were bad, like that one time that he sat on a fallen log that happened to be housing a nest of fat red ants and they had bitten him so badly that he had had to ask Eve to apply compresses on his . . . oh God, where's Eve . . .

Adam felt a hand rest gently on his forehead. The hand was warm and growing warmer the longer the touch lingered. Soon it felt as if his head might catch fire and Adam raised his arms to bat the hand away and end the pain. But his blows made no headway and Raphael replied to Adam's attempts to fight by touching the back of Adam's head with his other hand and squeezing both hands together.

Adam screamed. Raphael said, in a voice as calm as a pool on a windless day, "Relax. This might hurt a lot," and then Adam's mind shut down completely.


	10. 10 Touch Me

**Chapter 10 – Touch Me**

Eve was afraid to move. Satan had disappeared some time ago, though she had passed out for a while so she wasn't certain of the exact time of his departure, and since waking up she had been lying on the soft grass and staring at the stars through a haze of bliss. She wasn't entirely sure what had transpired between herself and Satan and she certainly didn't want to think about it too much, lest vivid memory give way to uncontrollable desire. The only thing she was certain of was that she had done with Satan what she normally did with Adam, and that Satan had been vastly superior to Adam on every level. Something about the way he touched her made her body sing with pleasure and . . .

Eve stifled a moan and bit her lip. Her hands quivered at her sides and she stared straight up at the cloudless sky and went back to counting the stars to cool the sudden fire that threatened to consume her. She felt certain that she was going to be in big trouble if she couldn't force herself to move soon. Adam was no doubt wondering where she was and her body was slowly starting to make her aware that she hadn't fed it in a very long time. As if to prove a point her stomach gurgled loudly. Eve sighed and sat up, closing her eyes as the world swam around her.

"Damn," she breathed.

"You shouldn't curse," said a deep, resonant voice from behind her. Eve shot to her feet, whipping around so quickly the world took a moment to catch up with her. In the middle of the clearing, right around where the invisible wall was, stood a dark-haired man with black wings that shone a hard blue in the starlight. His wings looked as if they were made of something hard and highly polished.

"Hematite," muttered Eve, naming the object his wings reminded her of before she could stop herself.

The winged man frowned in confusion. "Actually, the name's Gabriel, but Hematite isn't bad." He took a small step forward and Eve shook her head and took a large step back. "Where are you going? I'm not here to hurt you," Gabriel said. He spread his arms wide as if inviting Eve to take him in, and she did, with eyes that felt too eager to admire his beauty.

She let her eyes slide from his black hair and his angular face, down his perfectly chiseled stomach, over the dark cloth that he wore wrapped around his waist, to his bare legs and feet. As her gaze roamed upwards once more she asked, "Who are you?"

"Do you know Michael?"

"Yes," she said warily, "He's an angel, right?"

"Yes. And I am Michael's brother."

Eve wasn't quite ready to let down her guard yet, but knowing that this Gabriel was in some way on the same side as Michael, she felt the tiniest bit safer. "Michael is nice."

"He is," admitted Gabriel. "But we have another brother who is not nice."

"Yes?" asked Eve, sensing that she was about to be told something that she did not want to know. She called this feeling "intuition" and had it fairly often, mostly when Adam was trying to be sneaky about the fact that he wanted to see her watermelons.

"He used to be called Sataniel. You know him as Satan."

Eve hesitated, not sure exactly how much information she should give up. She certainly didn't want to volunteer information that would incriminate her. On the other hand, she didn't want to lie outright. She opted for a simple, "I know of him."

Gabriel smiled, "Oh yes you do, my dear. You know him very well, actually."

Eve felt her cheeks grow warm because she knew what he was talking about. He knew. And if he knew, what would stop him from telling Adam? And if he told Adam, what would stop Adam from throwing her out of the garden? She felt a sudden chill as she thought of the shadowy creature she had seen stalking through the trees last night. She let her eyes travel to the tree line on the other side of the invisible barrier and peered hard into the darkness there.

And then, as if on cue, the darkness shifted and Eve squealed and backed away from Gabriel even further.

"What is it?" Gabriel asked, turning to look over his shoulder at the forest. A moment later she heard him say, "Ah, interesting . . ."

"What?" asked Eve, "What's interesting? Did you see it? What is it?" Her voice was so tight with fear that it sounded strange in her ears.

Gabriel turned back around and she saw a look of such compassion upon his face that her fears evaporated. She suddenly felt as if everything would be alright, that Gabriel would protect her and ease her troubled thoughts. He said softly, "Have a seat. I will sit beside you and tell you a story."

Eve obeyed after only a slight hesitation. The grass was cold against her bare skin but warmed quickly beneath her. A moment later Gabriel came and sat beside her. She didn't pull away from him, even though there was a vibration radiating from him that reminded her of Satan, only much stronger. Eve gripped the grass with both hands as tightly as she could and tried to focus on what Gabriel was telling her.

"Long ago, long before this Garden existed, long before you were created, God . . . Wait, you've met God, right?"

"Yeah," said Eve, "He's odd."

Gabriel chuckled, "You don't know the half of it. Anyway, so God was all by himself and he created Michael. Then, so that Michael wouldn't be alone, he created us, Michael's brothers. First he made each of us look like versions of some of the animals you see down here. But then he created Sataniel, who looked like . . . well . . . You've seen him, and Michael lobbied for all of us to be given a similar form. And when God decreed that we were to make Man, he was to be created in this image as well."

"What about me?" asked Eve, a little concerned with the patriarchal nature of the conversation. "What was the inspiration to create me?"

"An invisible angel named Sandalphon."

"Why was she invisible?"

"Because she didn't have a face. You see, God tasked Michael to create a face for woman, and he did, and she was the most beautiful creature we had ever seen . . ." Eve stiffened in irritation beside him and Gabriel quickly added, "Aside from you, of course."

"Sure," Eve said, not believing him for a moment. It made sense that Lilith was exceptionally beautiful, considering Adam was still in love with her. "And that was Lilith, right?"

"Yes. But before we even get to that we have a power struggle between God and Sataniel. Sataniel disobeyed often. He even ate the fruit of the Tree of Life, which changed things for us angels considerably. And still God would not punish him outright."

"Why?" asked Eve, thinking that perhaps this God didn't sounds so crazy after all, if he continued to give chance after chance to one of his creations.

Gabriel gazed off into the distance as he thought about her question. After a moment he said, "I feel like I should be able to answer this but I can't."

"I guess God works in mysterious ways, huh?" asked Eve.

Gabriel smiled, "You know, you have a pretty decent mind for a non-angel. We're totally stealing that, by the way."

"It's yours," Eve said, puffing out her chest with pride at the compliment then trying not to notice Gabriel's eyes straying lower. "Please continue your story. You were saying something about Satan being disobedient?"

Gabriel blinked hard and looked away. "Oh yes . . . So finally, Sataniel breathed life into Adam and Lilith before God could do it. He also convinced the angel Sandalphon to possess the body of Lilith so that she would be sent to Earth."

"So Lilith is an angel?" Eve gasped. "I never would have imagined."

"Neither did God, or so he says, but everyone knows he's lying because he's omnipotent."

Eve's eyes lit up. "I like that word. What does it mean?"

"It means he knows all and sees all. You can't hide anything from God. If you think you are it only means he's letting you go on just to see what you do. But that doesn't mean that you will be above reproach."

"That's good to know," Eve said. She wondered when her punishment for her past transgressions would arrive. The first uncomfortable, heavy feelings of guilt over what she had done began to solidify in her gut. She suddenly felt nauseous and swallowed hard and, just to try to distract herself, asked, "So what about the things in the forest? What do they have to do with Satan?"

"He made them. He was trying to play God and he made them. You haven't seen them in the light yet, I imagine—"

"Just a quick peek last night as it moved between the trees."

"They are relatively harmless, or at least they were when they were in Heaven. Satan had experimented in secrecy and when he fell to Earth they came with him, along with some of the lesser angels who were eager to make a name for themselves. Some of my brothers have called them monsters, but honestly, Satan's creations are no more monstrous than some of God's first clumsy attempts at angels. The Seraphim are a mess— six wings that cover most of their bodies and voices that will make your ears bleed. And they _never_ stop singing."

"So I guess coming down here and dealing with us is nice, then? All the silence down here makes the garden rather peaceful."

"When Satan isn't causing problems I suppose it is peaceful." Gabriel leveled his eyes at her and Eve felt her heart quicken and instinct kick in. She knew that it was wrong to be feeling what she was feeling, to be thinking the thoughts that were suddenly crowding her mind. She knew it was wrong, but she had tasted the divine and she wanted more. Eve couldn't keep from getting swept up in the moment and when she started to sing she just went with it, despite the shock and confusion that took up residence on Gabriel's face.

"I was feeling done in, couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed Adam before," Eve sang. She'd never really sung before but she knew immediately that she liked it. She reveled in the freedom she felt as her voice rang out across the nighttime forest.

Gabriel said softly, "I've never kissed anyone."

"It was such trouble getting into heavy petting. It always led to panting and seat wetting."

"Eve?" Gabriel asked. His face was serious, confused even, but Eve wasn't about to stop. She smiled a crooked, knowing smile and watched his throat tremble as he swallowed.

"Now all I want to know is how to go. I've tasted blood and I want more. I'll put up no resistance. I want to stay the distance. I've got an itch to scratch and I need assistance."

Eve reached out and took Gabriel's hands and placed them directly on her watermelons, shivering as Gabriel's angelic power coursed through her. "Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me. I wanna be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature of the night."

Gabriel wasted no time in giving into her demands, and he showed no lack of enthusiasm for the job. But Eve wasn't about to let herself be led down this path. She had initiated it and so she wanted control of the encounter. Feeling bolder and more powerful than she had ever felt before, she pushed on Gabriel's shoulders with both hands and straddled his hips. As soon as she was settled a song once more bubbled to her lips.

"And if anything grows," she laughed, "While you pose, I'll oil you up and rub you down."

From the other side of the invisible wall she thought she heard faint echoes of, "Down, down, down."

"And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction. You need a friendly hand, oh, and I need action. Touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch me. I wanna be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature of the night."

"Creature of the night," Gabriel moaned.

"Creature of the night," breathed Eve.

"Creature of the night," echoed the disembodied backup voices in the forest.

"Creature of the night," Gabriel sighed, and Eve knew instinctively that he was hers completely.

Michael, who had watched from Heaven as the scene unfolded, threw his hands up in the air in frustration and exclaimed, "Oh, dear God!"

"You called?"

Michael turned around to see God sitting on the edge of a nearby cloud, his legs swinging freely over the cosmos. "No. But this isn't working. You see what just happened down there? She's crazy."

"No, she's human."

"I still say this isn't working," said Michael as he sat down once more and glared over a bank of clouds at the small corner of the garden currently inhabited by Gabriel and Eve. When he saw that they had not yet tired of their game he quickly brought his gaze back to God, who was watching him with undisguised humor.

"It may yet. Give it some time. I never specifically forbade them to get it on with the angels, so I guess I can't really get too upset about it. I had originally imagined that they would be for each other alone, forever, but I did give everyone parts that fit together so maybe that was my bad. I should have thought that through a little more, I guess."

"Can you change them? And are you serious that you expected them to only want to be with each other forever? You've changed the appearances of your manservant angels several times and they've barely existed for longer than Man and Woman."

God shrugged. "I am easily bored."

"Then why hold man to such an impossible standard?"

"Why not? I can hold them to whatever standard I want to simply because it's fun to watch them struggle against their nature."

Michael scowled. "That's cruel."

"That's life."

"God, has anyone ever told you that you're a dick?"

God looked up from where he had been admiring his fingernails, "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did you say a duck? Why would anyone ever compare me to a duck?"

"Nevermind."

"That's what I thought."

"Dick," Michael muttered.

"What's this about a duck?" asked Remiel, his pearlescent wings fluttering as he landed beside Michael. "I gave Uriel the idea for those, you know. What are you looking at?" Remiel leaned over to take a peek at what was happening in the garden. He quickly sat back and stared at Michael with eyes so wide and round that they looked like twin, blue planets. "Are they—?"

"Yes," said Michael.

"And he is—?"

"Oh, yes," answered God, gleefully. "And Michael is about to do down there and get mixed up in this because he won't be able to stop himself."

Michael, who had just been about to fly down to the Garden and confront all of the players in this charade, sighed. He wondered if he would ever get used to having God in his head at all times. "So, does what I do down there make any sort of difference?"

"I can't tell you. Wouldn't want to spoil the fun, now would we?"

"Sometimes I hate you," said Michael as he tipped backward over the cloudbank and spread his wings as wide as they would go.

God's voice spoke in Michael's head as he descended, "I will always love you, my son."

Great, thought Michael, and now I feel guilty. He shook off the guilt and focused on the task at hand. First thing's first: he had to find Lilith.


	11. 11 Like a Virgin

**Chapter 11 - Like a Vigrin**

"What am I doing?" Michael asked himself as he flew over the sunlit forest. He honestly didn't know, but he couldn't just sit around and watch as the creatures he helped to create became walking disasters. He sighed; humans were a mess and he wondered whether it was his fault or God's. Then again, he supposed, it didn't really matter at this point.

His eyes scanned the forest, looking for a sign that would tell him what his first act on Earth should be. That's when he saw Lilith. Though she was only a small, peach-colored blot on the otherwise spotless green field, he knew it was her because she was the only person on earth with long, golden hair. Michael felt the moment her eyes found him in the sky as if someone had shot him through the chest with a bolt of lightning. Seriously, God? Her first? He turned an angry glance skyward, then took a deep breath, shifted the position of his wings, and descended.

Lilith lifted a hand in a half-hearted greeting as Michael landed in the field several paces away from her. The soft, high grass waved in the breeze like a green ocean lapping at Lilith's perfect hips. Her golden hair cascaded over her shoulders and tumbled loose to her waist, covering much of her body. Somehow, though, this made her only more desirable. Michael felt a stirring within himself that he hadn't felt since Satan had tricked him into fondling the invisible angel's watermelons. He knew that this stirring was related to some desire that he wasn't even sure he was supposed to have, and so he tried to ignore it.

"Hi there, stranger," Lilith called to him. Her voice carried on the wind and sounded like the sweetest music to his ears. There was nothing like it in Heaven and Eve's voice, being entirely human, just didn't pack the same punch.

"Hi," said Michael.

"I'm equal parts surprised to see you and not surprised at all. Why are you here?"

Michael waded through the grass toward her and the thin blades tickled his skin. He knew he'd probably be itching like crazy in a little while. "Why are you standing here in the middle of a field? Doesn't the grass bother you?"

Lilith smiled and brushed her hands across the waving blades. "God didn't give everyone allergies, just a lucky few. Besides, I can see the sky from here. I like to look up and imagine what you are all doing in Heaven."

Michael stopped in mid-stride, surprised at her candor, but then caught himself and closed the distance between them. He had expected defiance and instead found a sadness he had never seen in Heaven. He wasn't exactly sure how to handle it, so he patted her bare shoulder and said, "You miss it."

Lilith laughed, "No, that wasn't awkward at all. You should probably work on your bedside manner a little."

"Just trying to be helpful," said Michael, withdrawing his hand.

"Is that why you're here?" Lilith suddenly asked, "To be helpful?"

Her question threw him off guard and he stuttered out a quick, "Yes," as he avoided her gaze. This is ridiculous, he told himself, pull yourself together, man. You are God's right hand man, in a manner of speaking, and you have the right to be here and you have the right to try to help. He took a deep breath, looked her right in her deep green and gold eyes, and said, "Yes, I'm here to help. This has to stop, Lilith. What do you think you're doing?"

Lilith's face fell and her golden eyes turned brass. She glowered at him for a moment before turning her back and walking away. Her hips swayed gracefully through the tall grass. She had the most adorable dimples on the small of her back. Who knew?

Michael dragged his gaze upward and tried to keep his thoughts focused his thoughts on more divine affairs. "Lilith, wait." She kept walking. Michael followed her, stumbling through the grass and wondering how she managed to look so graceful when he felt like an oaf. "Can you at least tell me what Satan is planning?"

Lilith didn't turn around, didn't answer, but Michael didn't give up. He followed her across the field but the grass was really starting to make him itch all over and he lost patience with the chase. With one great beat of his wings he shot into the sky. He maneuvered himself to land in front of Lilith and descended as gracefully as he was able, considering he couldn't quite judge the depth of the grasses. He ended up landing quite hard but caught himself before he could stumble gracelessly into the grass.

Lilith realized that she couldn't leave him behind and stopped. She regarded him with a frowning mouth and mocking eyes. "You still haven't learned to control those things, huh?"

"Jealous much?" Michael asked. He had long since grown tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes in Heaven and he certainly wasn't going to take it from a previously invisible angel who took a leap of faith on the slightly deranged, yet terribly charming Sataniel. No, Michael told himself yet again, try to remember that he's Satan now.

Lilith's pale face darkened momentarily right before her eyes filled with water that spilled down her cheeks. Her bottom lip trembled and her chin crumpled until her normally stunning face was very unattractive. Michael flinched; he couldn't help it. It was just so . . . So . . . Terrible-looking.

"What just happened to your face?" he asked. Apparently this was not the proper thing to ask, because her entire face seemed to collapse in on itself at once. "Uh . . . Sorry?"

She squinted at him, scrunched up her nose, and wiped at her now crimson cheeks. "Bite me, Michael."

"You want me to bite you? Will that put your face back the way it's supposed to be?" Lilith punched him in the arm, hard, with her knuckles. "Ow!" said Michael, stepping away and rubbing his arm, "Being a human has made you violent."

"Maybe," Lilith said, gulping air, her voice growing calmer as her rant continued. "But maybe it's because I'm stuck here. Or maybe it's because I can't go into the Garden anymore but Satan can come and go at will. Or maybe it's because I lost my wings when I stepped inside this human body so I can't fly anymore and I miss it so much. Or maybe it's because I spend all of my time trying to round up the rest of the misfit angels that took a chance on Satan and half of them are too stupid to understand what I'm trying to do and the rest of them are just really handsy."

"What are you trying to do, exactly?"

Lilith threw her hands up in frustration and screamed, "I don't even know!" Her voice echoed across the fields and dissipated in the warm, dry air.

She was so full of rage, so seemingly full of regret at what she had done that Michael felt bad for her. He didn't often feel bad for anyone; usually the other angels felt bad for him so it was a novel feeling. And he wished that he could help her. "I wish I could give you sound advice. I wish I could help you."

At those words Lilith's face changed once again and the sudden hunger in her green eyes made him flinch once more. He wondered if these volatile mood swings were a result of an expansive angel consciousness being stuffed into the confines of a human shell, or if all women were destined to be emotionally unstable. Or maybe it was because of all of the wrongs she had perpetrated. Perhaps, like Adam, Lilith's mind had snapped and these mood swings were how she was coping with her disobedience. And he suddenly knew how to help her.

"I have it!" he said. He followed the statement with a step backwards, as Lilith began to advance on him, a smile on her lips that made Michael feel somewhat dirty on the inside.

"You do have it," Lilith said. Michael had the feeling she meant something completely different than he did. He took another step back. "How forceful you are, Michael. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So dominant."

"I think I know how to help you," Michael said. Lilith was within arms' reach. He put up his hands as if to defend himself, then felt rather silly for doing so and dropped them again. A moment later he wished he would have kept them raised because Lilith suddenly jumped and threw her arms around his neck.

"You can help me," she said, right before she kissed him.

Michael had never really kissed anyone before, unless he counted the one Satan had planted on him before he dove from Heaven, which he did not. It was a novel sensation, to say the least, and not at all unpleasant. Her lips were softer than the clouds in Heaven and her tongue, when she pushed it into his mouth, was warm and tasted like she had been eating something sweet. Her breath came in tiny, tickling puffs against his cheek and the entire length of her body pressed against him as if she were trying to merge their bodies into one being. She moaned against his mouth and he answered in kind as his body reacted in ways he didn't think he would ever experience. Unlike his brothers, however, he was able to keep a clear head and after enjoying her closeness for a while, perhaps too long, he finally broke the kiss and held her away from him.

"Lilith," he said, "Or Sandalphon . . ."

"Lilith. Though I liked Scarlett better. You have good taste, Michael. But I've been Lilith since I got here so I may as well keep the name. At least it's better than Sandalphon, right?" She tried to lean in to kiss him again but he locked his elbows.

"We shouldn't do this," said Michael, not without a heavy rock of dread forming in his stomach.

"You think too much about what you _should_ do and don't spend enough time actually doing it."

"I know. But I have my reasons. For starters, God is constantly in my head and knows everything I do almost before I do it. I can't even think in privacy, so that makes actually doing things that would displease God completely out of the question."

"Pussy," said Lilith.

Michael ignored her comment and continued. "You seem to be unhappy here. But what if you could go back home, to Heaven, and be yourself again."

Lilith stopped trying to struggle out of Michael's grasp and finally looked at him, her eyes bright with something Michael read as hope. "How?"

"Confess and apologize to God for your misdeeds. He will forgive you."

Lilith shook off Michael's hands and took a step backward, her eyes narrowing to slits. Michael suddenly wished that she was still invisible because then he wouldn't have to see the undisguised disgust that twisted her lips into an unflattering sneer. "Confess? Apologize? Don't get me wrong, Michael, being down here and trapped in this body is not everything I thought it would be. I was led to my fate, certainly, but I was not tricked. And being miserable down here but free to do what I want is still better than being miserable in Heaven and prey to the whims of a God who is a few monkeys short of a barrel, if you know what I mean."

Michael sighed and nodded. She was right. Once again he felt the weight of his decision to remain in Heaven. Despite all of the terrible choices she had made and despite her obvious unhappiness, a small part of him wished that he could have taken than leap of faith in the only angel who was ever really kind to him. Perhaps together he and Sataniel could have made a difference, could have taken on the mad king of the universe and made this world a better place.

"So what do you say?" Lilith asked and Michael's attention snapped back to the task at hand. Lilith was standing close to him once more. He hadn't even noticed her moving. Her watermelons brushed up against his arm and her fingers drew tiny, invisible circles on his chest as she leaned into him and whispered into his ear, "I can show you all the things you've missed by staying up in heaven."

Her breath against his neck sent tingles down the entire side of his body and he wondered how something that felt so good could be wrong. Only a God of supreme cruelty would punish pleasure with spiritual and emotional anguish. For the first time in a long time Michael felt the fires of disobedience burn bright within his chest. Almost without knowing what he was doing, he gave himself over to the animal instincts that God had placed inside him, wrapped his arms around Lilith, and kissed her hard.

Lilith gave a small squeak of surprise but kissed him back in earnest. Her body felt incredible against his and as his hands trailed lower to her hips he heard God's voice in his head.

"So this is how you propose to fix the problem? Interesting, but I'm not sure it will work. Sex is rarely a solution to an immediate problem, though I predict that in the future it will become a great way for people to make up after a problem has been resolved."

Michael moaned in frustration against Lilith's mouth and kissed her even harder, hoping to drown out God's voice with pure sensation. A moment later God added, "You think you know where she's been. You think she feels something special for you. But ask yourself this: is a moment of pleasure worth losing favor in my eyes forever? Is a moment of pleasure worth getting booted from Heaven with nothing but the loincloth around your waist?

Michael broke off the kiss and muttered, "God dammit."

"What?" asked Lilith.

"I think I already did damn it," said God in Michael's head, "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

Michael down looked at Lilith, who wore her adorable confusion like a mask. Her lips were red from the force of his kiss and he wanted badly to claim them again. Instead he said, "I'm sorry. I can't do this," through clenched teeth. His body disagreed with him and he had to force his hands off of her skin.

"What?" asked Lilith, her confusion was replaced with anger and once again Michael wished he didn't have to see it aimed at him.

"It's not you. It's me," said Michael in an effort to diffuse the situation but Lilith would have none of it.

"You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"Why do we have to do this? Can't we just talk? Can't we be friends?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, incredulous.

"It doesn't always have to be about sex, Lilith. It can be about friendship."

"No, you're not kidding. Sorry, but sex is pretty much the only thing these human bodies have going for them. It's incredible. And sex with an angel is even better. Satan, for example."

"That's enough," Michael said. He didn't deserve to have his brother's physical prowess thrown in his face.

"But it'll never be enough for you, Michael. You're like God's little puppet. He snaps his fingers and you come running. Satan was right. You're a lapdog. I hope you're very happy with the choices you've made." Lilith turned and started to walk away and this time Michael didn't try to follow. He knew that he had lost any chance to reclaim her for Heaven.

"What are you going to do?" Michael called after her.

She turned around and gave him a sad smile. "First-off, I'm going away from you. But don't worry about me. I can already feel something is happening to me." She placed a hand on her stomach and said, "My body is changing, Michael."

"Into what?"

"I don't know. But I'm pretty sure God's not going to like it."

Michael watched her walk away. The wind carried her voice back to him and she appeared to be singing. "The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow, Morphia, slow, let the sun and light come streaming into my life."

"That certainly didn't go as planned," said God in Michael's head. "Or did you plan it that way? Sometimes I lose track or everyone else's stupid ideas."

Michael sighed and took wing once more. "Sometimes I hate you, God," he said out loud. He could have just thought it but it felt better to say it out loud.

God's response was a simple, "I love you, too, my son. Even if you are a ginger."


	12. 12 Witness

**Chapter 12 - Witness**

Uriel sat on a rock, which was something he did often. He was also using the tip of his flaming sword—with the flames extinguished, of course—to clean under his fingernails. He was so focused on his task that she didn't hear Michael flying overhead and so when Michael landed Uriel jumped to his feet. The sword toppled over soundlessly into the dirt.

Michael chuckled at his brother's guilty expression and thought about teasing him about it but he wasn't there to get anyone in trouble. Instead he asked, "Uriel, brother, how are things going down here?"

"Michael?" Uriel asked, his voice tight with panic. He brushed a lock of black hair from his eyes and asked, "What are you doing down here? Did God send you? I was just taking a quick break, I swear."

Okay, thought Michael, that's not the welcome I expected. "I'm sure you were," he ventured, not sure how to handle Uriel's apparent fear. Luckily that seemed to be enough because Uriel's shoulders visibly dropped, his scowl disappeared, and he seemed to relax somewhat.

"Thanks," said Uriel, bending over to retrieve the flaming sword from its ignoble position in the dirt. "I don't know if you've noticed this but just between you and me, God is a little odd. He told me to guard the gates to Eden, which, by the way, I had to locate myself because, hello, the walls are invisible!"

He paused then, as if for recognition, and Michael said, "Good work, brother."

Uriel continued, "So I find the gates and I start to guard but then God speaks in my mind and tells me to let Sataniel enter the Garden whenever he shows up. What's up with that? How am I supposed to be a good guardian when He gives me mixed messages like that?"

Michael shrugged. God's edict wasn't surprising to him at all, and yet all of the other angels seemed positively baffled when it came to dealing with God's odd behavior. "God likes to keep man and woman on their toes," he explained, "I don't necessarily agree with everything that His scheming has caused but I have to admit that if He hadn't let Satan in we'd all have stopped watching the show a long time ago."

"You can watch what's happening in there?" Uriel asked, his voice rising dramatically and his fingers tightening on the hilt of his flaming sword.

Again, Michael was at a loss for words, so he went with a simple, "Yes?"

"Lame! I'm stuck on this mud ball, confined to this limited space that I cannot leave, guarding a gate from no one, apparently, since the one person I thought I was supposed to be guarding it from is already inside and pretty much comes and goes as he pleases. My wings are getting stiff from non-use. And look, I've already worn a groove in the dirt over there with all the pacing." He pointed in the direction of the entrance and Michael could indeed see a ditch carved into the dirt.

"Sounds awful," said Michael honestly. He didn't know what he'd do if God suddenly decided to take away his ability to fly. He patted Uriel's back twice and the sword in Uriel's hand burst into righteous flames.

Michael jumped backward but not before the flames licked off of the tip of the sword and singed his loincloth.

"Watch it!" shouted Uriel. He clapped his hands twice and the majestic flames died down as quickly as they had appeared. He looked at the charred fabric around Michael's waist. "Sorry."

"No, I should have remembered that that's how it works. At least it only got my clothing, right?"

"Right," said Uriel.

"So, you said that Satan comes and goes at will? Is he in there now?" Michael asked, changing the subject.

"Should be. Though once he got inside he seems to be able to cross all of the barriers without using the gate. So he could be anywhere."

"That's very helpful," said Michael, though he was thinking the exact opposite. He held out his hand. "Goodbye, brother. I'm sure we'll meet again."

Uriel clasped Michael's wrist and Michael returned the gesture. "Until then. Though if you wouldn't mind putting in a good word for me with God so that moment will be sooner rather than later, I'd really appreciate it. I'm bored out of my mind and there's nothing here to keep me occupied. I could use a replacement."

"Noted. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, Michael. It's been nice."

Nice wasn't the word Michael would have used. Michael would have used the word awkward, which is how he would describe most of his exchanges with his fellow angels. All except one: Satan. "Yeah," Michael agreed, "Nice." He walked toward the invisible gate, stepped over the trench in the dirt made by Uriel's pacing, and entered the Garden.

Once inside the Garden and surrounded by the dense foliage he realized that it would take far too long to reach Adam and Eve if he traveled on foot. He traveled a little farther and shielded by the trees before he took flight, though, because there was no sense in flaunting his wings and upsetting Uriel further. He tread carefully on an overgrown path, wincing as his delicate feet, unused to the rough terrain, were bruised by pebbles and sticks and other debris that was strewn about. He was just about to curse the existence of all tiny rocks when then the shadows overhead parted and let the sun shine down to the forest floor. He looked up to see a sizeable break in the branches overhead.

That was all the impetus he needed and he quickly took off, bursting through the branches and into the sky. He glanced back the way he had come to see Uriel sitting on a rock once more, ignorant of the figure stepping out of the trees behind him. It was Lilith. Michael felt an instant pang of jealousy but it quickly faded. Who was he to judge? Uriel had little else to do and maybe Lilith could help take his mind off of his confusing, boring, and completely pointless task. And if God really had a problem with the things His angels were doing then wouldn't He be down here trying to stop it, he reasoned?

Then what am I doing here? He asked himself. It was a valid question. He had always been the thinker and Satan had always been the doer. But he was sick of thinking so deeply and getting hurt when things didn't go as planned. He wanted to do something so he was going to do it. He was going to help Adam and Eve not be so confused. He was going to help them find peace with each other. Even if he failed at least he would be able to say he tried.

He followed the curious aroma of fire, so much stronger than he ever imagined it being when he had watched them cook from Heaven. As he got closer the acrid smell of the smoke singed his nose even as the savory aroma of the food that they were cooking made his mouth water. He was an angel. He didn't need to eat. But he hadn't tasted anything since eating the fruit from the Boner Tree and dear God that smelled good. Maybe after he talked some sense into Adam and Eve he'd ask for a bite of whatever it was they were cooking. Michael didn't want to frighten them so he landed in the trees so he could observe them for a while before he intervened.

Michael leaned against a tree and watched Adam and Eve from between the junction of two branches. Man and Woman were sitting on the ground, facing each other, the remains of a small fire smoldering between them. Some sort of animal-Michael had never seen one burned up before so he really had no idea what kind it was-was skewered on a stick and lying on the rocks beside the fire. Adam and Eve each one held a large leaf with some kind of food on it but neither of them appeared to be eating much. The roasted animal resting on the rocks beside the fire seemed to be largely untouched. And despite the fact that they were close enough to clasp hands if they were only to reach forward, they both seemed to want to look anywhere besides at each other.

Tension permeated the air of the clearing, making Michael feel uneasy and he was only a spectator. He couldn't imagine what they must be going through and now that he had seen them close up he wasn't even sure that he would be able to help.

"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Adam and Eve and that they had found the assistance that their plight required . . . Or had they?"

Michael jumped and turned around to see the Serpent stretched out along the lowest branch of a nearby tree. "Excuse me?" Michael asked. The serpent made a strange sort of grimace that made it look like it was in pain. "Are you hurt?"

"No," answered the serpent, "I was rolling my eyes."

"Ah . . . Just so you know, that doesn't come across very well."

"Point taken. But what the eye roll was intended to mean was that I'm not going to repeat myself. If you missed it the first time you're out of luck, buster."

Michael bit back the urge to ask what a buster was and instead asked, "What are you doing here?"

The serpent tried its best to shrug its tiny shoulders and said, "I'm only here for the food."

"Oh," said Michael, turning back around to watch Adam and Eve's painfully awkward eating ritual.

"How's the rabbit?" asked Adam, continuing to stare at his leaf.

Eve looked up, her eyes wide as if surprised that he had spoken and terrified that she now had to answer. She uttered a terse, "Fine," and they lapsed into silence once more.

The serpent stretched forward and grasped a branch near Michael' head. It pulled half of its body across the divide between the two trees and then stopped and peered through the branches at Adam and Eve. "Look at them," said the Serpent, "See how they are so intent on controlling their own behavior, and so consumed with the things that they have done. They are so focused on their guilt and the accompanying fear of the other finding out that neither of them even notice how strangely the other is behaving. They mirror each other's guilt and confusion perfectly."

"How do you know what's going on in their minds?" asked Michael, turning to look at the Serpent. Michael, of course, suspected the same thing, but since he lacked God's omniscience it really was only a guess.

"Lucky guess," said the Serpent.

"It's more than that," said a voice from behind them and they both turned to see Satan walking towards them along a well-worn path. "It's right. Their guilt is everywhere. It's honestly making the Garden a very uncomfortable place to be right now. Guilt . . . What a completely useless human emotion. God really screwed up on that one didn't he, Michael?"

Michael's initial cheer at finally being face to face with his long-lost brother was quickly replaced by irritation at his continuing wish to get Michael into trouble. "It's good to see you, Sataniel," he said, and it was only a little bit of a lie.

"Good," Satan beamed, "But you know better than that. Call me Satan. I am, after all, God's adversary now and it's all in the name. No one would fear the dread angel Sataniel. But the dread fallen angel Satan . . . It has a nice ring to it, no?"

"No one fears you," said the Serpent softly.

"Give them time, snake," said Satan. The Serpent pursed its scaly lips and said no more. "So what are you doing here, Michael? Come to taste the fruits of humanity, like Gabriel?"

Michael winced, "No. I'll leave that to the others and let them pay the price."

"What price? Haven't you noticed? It's a free for all down here. God doesn't care or He would have already intervened." Satan scowled as if he wasn't happy about God's silence.

"You look disappointed. Do you want God to smite you or something?" asked Michael, confused.

"Everyone could use a good smiting now and then. Be patient, Satan, you may feel God's wrath yet," said the Serpent. It flicked its forked tongue rapidly in Satan's direction and Michael got the distinct feeling that it was taunting him.

"Not a chance. I'm only doing what I was created to do."

"There's no way you were created for this."

Satan shrugged. "Believe what you want to believe. But think about it, what would be the point of putting two people on this enormous planet if everything was perfect for them? It'd be boring and you know as well as I do that God doesn't do boring."

Michael had to admit that Satan had a point. Thanks to all of the angel-manufactured drama the happenings in the Garden had never been as riveting as they were now. He was about to concede when the Serpent butted in. "You two are ridiculous. Why don't you just make out and get it over with already. You've got some seriously latent homoeroticism going on here so you may as well act on it."

Michael and Satan turned to the serpent, confusion apparent on both of their faces.

Michael asked, "What?" because he had no idea what most of those words meant.

But Satan seemed to understand perfectly and after a moment he simply said, "That is one respect in which I am not like god. Sorry to disappoint."

"Eh," said the serpent, "Birds do it, bees do it. Something about tomatoes"

"What in God's name are you talking about?" asked Michael.

"In God's name? So you're invoking Him now?" the Serpent taunted.

"Why not? You're as bad as He is."

"I know, isn't he?" asked Satan, his voice hinting at exasperation. "I've been thinking that for a long time."

"How did you get inside the Garden, anyway? I don't remember anyone ever creating you."

Michael's direct challenge seemed to take the Serpent by surprise and it shook its scaly head and paused to think before responding. It made that weird, pained face that meant he was rolling his eyes and answered, "I was created along with the Garden. I'm a guardian here. Yadda, yadda, yadda."

"What's a yadda?" asked Michael. But he quickly added, "Nevermind. I don't really care. And to answer your earlier question," he said as he turned to Satan, "I'm here to try to talk some sense into them." He gestured to Adam and Eve, who were still pretending to eat in slow and deliberate guilty silence.

"Wait. Aren't you really here to attempt to bring me back into the bosom of our illustrious lord? Isn't this just a cover?"

"I'm not going to waste my breath on trying to convince you of anything," answered Michael. With Lilith, since she had been kicked out of the Garden, there had been some hope and she may want to return, even if that hope was very, very dim. Satan was another story altogether. "It was nice seeing you again, Satan. Be careful down here. And here I go." He took a deep breath, stepped out of the shadows, and moved toward Adam and Eve.

"That's rude, you know!" he heard Satan shout from his cover under the trees, "I am not a lost cause."

The serpent added, "Atta boy, you tell him."

"Who asked you?"

The bickering continued but Michael couldn't decipher anything else and for that he was thankful. He didn't bother trying to be quiet and only a few paces into the clearing Eve looked up from her food and spotted him immediately.

Michael smiled in what he hoped was a serene and benevolent manner. "Hi."

Eve screamed.

Adam jumped up, dropped his leaf, and charged Michael. Michael opened his wings and shot up into the sky right before Adam reached him. "Come down here and face me like a man!" Adam shouted.

Michael, hovering just out of Adam's reach, called out, "I'm not a man so I'm not exactly sure what that means."

"No, you're not a man. You're dirty angel scum like the one who came to fix my head and instead tortured me and left me in a heap on the ground."

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Sometimes my brothers don't understand what they can and can't do." Michael touched down once more, though he kept his wings outstretched just in case Adam decided to charge him again. He looked over Adam's shoulder at a pale and trembling Eve. She was a mess. He didn't want to give away her secret if she wasn't ready to talk about it but he wanted her to know that he was on her side. "Sometimes my brothers go too far. Sometimes they take things that do not belong to them. Do you understand what I'm saying, Eve?"

Eve's pale cheeks flushed a deep red and she stepped forward to hide herself behind Adam. She watched Michael with wide eyes from right behind Adam's shoulder. "Michael," she said.

"Yes," said Michael, "You remember me. So, hi. Again."

"What do you mean your brothers take too much sometimes? Too much of what?" Adam asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. He put his arm around Eve as pulled her close as if he was her divinely appointed protector, which in a way he was.

Instead of answering Michael said, "And sometimes my brothers try to orchestrate things that aren't for the good of anyone."

"What does orchestrate mean?" asked Adam.

"Make things happen," whispered Eve.

"Like wha—" Adam started to ask but then his face changed, his mouth hung slack as he realized what Michael meant. "Oh," he said.

"Yes," said Michael with a smile, pleased that both man and woman understood his meaning so quickly. "You are responsible for your actions. I cannot change that. But because this is all new for everyone perhaps you'll be granted a mulligan and . . ."

"Wait. What's a mulligan?" asked Adam.

"A do-over," said Eve.

"How do you know that? I've never even heard that word before and you already know the meaning? Why do you always have to show me up?"

Eve shrugged in response. Adam opened his mouth to say something else but before he could get them off track Michael quickly said, "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are made for each other. Adam, Eve was made _from_ you. Unlike the angels, who were created as we are and given specific tasks with regrettably little wiggle room, your pasts will inform who you are, who you will become. You have the ability to change and it is up to you to decide if those changes will be for the better or for the worse. God will not always look the other way and if he is not pleased by your behavior I can't promise you that he won't take action against you. But at least you have the choice. You may not always choose the path that God would choose for you. To be honest that's probably a good thing, but at least always try to choose the path that will bring you closer to each other."

Michael stopped talking and smiled but they weren't looking at him anymore. About halfway through his speech they glanced at each other and became ensnared. They hadn't looked away from each other since. He watched in awed silence as tears filled Eve's eyes and spilled down her cheeks, and as Adam wiped them away.

"I am sorry," Adam said. His voice unusually tight with restrained emotion.

"Me, too," said Eve. She bowed her head against Adam's chest and his arms wrapped protectively around her. They stood like that for a long time, not moving except to breathe, and after a few endless moments Michael started to feel a little like he was intruding. He had felt awkward at times watching from Heaven but standing right next to them during such an intimate moment, even though he was the one who had encouraged the moment to happen, made him feel a little like a creep.

Michael cleared his throat but Adam and Eve didn't move. "So, I'm just going to head back up to Heaven now," he said. They still didn't move, didn't even look in his direction. He tried not to take it personally but it did sting a little that they weren't even thanking him for helping them to reconnect. "Okay then. I'm glad I helped. Just remember, be kind to each other and . . ." his voice trailed off as he ran out of inspirational words. Not that they were paying any attention to him anymore anyway, but he felt as if he should leave them with one more piece of advice. His eyes roamed over the clearing, lighting for a moment on Satan and the Serpent, who were still watching the proceedings with nearly matching smirks on their very different faces.

Michael scowled, determined not to show any weakness in front of Satan, and locked his eyes on the island with its matching trees. "And remember, whatever you do, don't eat from those trees." Michael heard a stifled guffaw coming from the trees and he shot a glance to Satan only to find that his brother had gone. The Serpent shook its head as if in disappointment. Michael ignored the gnawing feeling that the Serpent looked very familiar and commanded, "Take care, you two."

Since Satan had left Michael saw no reason to stay. He took off into the sky and headed back to Heaven. When he arrived God was lying on his stomach in the clouds, looking down towards the Garden.

"So, how'd that go?" God asked with a knowing grin.

"Why are you smiling?" Michael asked. He stretched his wings after the long flight and took a seat on the clouds to view the aftermath of his visit. Adam and Eve were still embracing but a moment later they kissed quickly and Eve walked into the forest. "That seemed to go well."

"Sure," said God, "It went great. I was very impressed."

Michael didn't feel like taking the bait. "You know, I wouldn't have had to do anything if you would just get involved."

"Oh, trust me, I am."

"Then why aren't you putting a stop to this insanity? You have angels running all over the place and messing with things they have no business messing with."

God rolled over onto His back and stared up at the cosmos. With His finger he drew a line in the air and above them a brilliant star shot across the sky. "You're right. All of this angelic meddling has shown me that Adam and Eve have had it far too easy."

This wasn't what Michael had expected. "What's that?"

"It's time to up the ante."

"What does that mean, exactly? They're miserable and uncomfortable already."

"And yet they don't even fully understand that what they have done is wrong."

"Of course they do. They have suffered from their actions. They have felt guilt. And didn't Gabriel explain everything to them?"

"In a way. But they don't have the knowledge to understand it."

"I don't know. I think maybe Eve can figure it out. She's pretty smart," Michael said with admiration. He had been impressed with Lilith physically but Eve was a marvel on every level. He often wished that she had been the angel because he'd love to spend more time with her.

"Yes," said God, "Though that may have backfired on me."

"Why?"

"You should learn to watch your mouth, my son. You should also learn humility."

"Whatever. I like her," said Michael simply.

"You would." God stood suddenly.

"Where are you going?"

In response God just smiled and winked out of existence. Shaking his head, Michael turned his attention to the Garden once more. Adam was still alone in the clearing. He sat on the mossy bed that he shared with Eve and skipped stones across the river. One of his rocks hopped four times and struck the bank of the island across the way. He studied the forbidden trees for a long time as if he were contemplating some new course of action. Then, his mind apparently made up, he stood up and walked into the river, a look on his face that Michael recognized. He had seen the same look on Lilith's face right before she chose the wrong fruit.


	13. 13 The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note: **I realized that there were a few things I wanted to change and so this chapter has been updated slightly as of 4/13/12.

**Chapter 13 – The Beginning of the End**

Eve felt so right in Adam's arms that he wondered how he had ever entertained a thought about going back to Lilith. After all Lilith hadn't really been kind. Her only hold on him was that she had been his first love. She had been his first everything. Because of that he knew she would always hold a special place in his heart. But aside from that she was kind of a psycho bitch and he knew that he was better off without her. Eve, on the other hand, was really smart and, for the most part, kind. She was a little crazy but he figured that perhaps that was just the way that women were made, just as he had been made with a very specific one-track-mind.

Adam didn't know how much time had passed when Eve finally released him. He studied her face, now dry of tears, and kissed her with more tenderness than he could ever remember kissing anyone. She kissed him back but it felt a bit stiff.

"Are we really okay?" asked Adam as she stepped out of his embrace completely. "Michael said we would be okay if we were just good to each other."

Eve shook her head, her bottom lip trembling. There was something that she wanted to say and Adam couldn't tell whether she wasn't letting the words come out or if she just didn't yet know the right words for what she needed to say. The silence was awkward. He cleared his throat.

"What's wrong, Eve? What have I done?" he asked.

"I don't think it's you," she said, "I think it's me." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper.

And so Adam shouted to make up for her lack of volume. "What's you?" She only looked away and Adam felt his anger flare. He didn't like being angry. He didn't like the way it made his face hot, his eyes feel as if they were going to pop, and his body so tense. He didn't like it. And yet as he stood there trying to catch her averted gaze he realized what the problem was. "You think you're smarter than me?"

Eve flinched but answered truthfully, "I know I am."

"Smarter doesn't mean better," Adam said loudly.

"And just because your voice is louder doesn't mean that you have anything of relevance to say."

Adam shook his head. He felt as if he had been slapped across the face. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He opened his mouth to yell back at her that she was a psycho just like Lilith but then he heard Michael's voice in his head telling them that they were created for one another and to always try to be kind to each other. So instead of losing his temper completely he took a deep breath. Then another. And in that silence he realized that she was right, at least a little. She had tried to learn everything about this world that was created just for them and he had tried to learn only as much as he could about how their bodies fit together in the most interesting ways. She was smarter than him. But as he was proving with this very line of thinking, he could learn.

"What do you need from me?" he asked with a sigh.

Eve finally looked up at him and he hoped that it was because something in his voice sounded different. He hoped that it was enough to catch her attention and keep it forever.

"I need time," she said. It was a simple request and one that he had no problem granting. If nothing else they had time.

"Of course." Adam lifted her chin with gentle fingertips and kissed her once more. It was a small kiss and she didn't exactly kiss him back, but neither did she pull away. I can deal with that, he told himself. "Take all the time you need and know that I'm here for you."

Those words brought the tiniest smile to her lips. "Thank you."

And then she was gone. She walked into the forest along one of their well-worn paths and she was gone. He wondered if she'd ever return. He wondered if she did return, whether he would ever be enough for her. He wondered . . . And then his eyes settled on the one thing that might make him as desirable to Eve as she suddenly was to him: the trees.

Adam's feet moved of their own accord and before he knew it he had crossed the river and was standing on the bank of the island. The trees were right in front of him. Both of them. He had never realized how similar they both were. Every twisted branch, every thin, bright green leaf, every brilliant red fruit, they were identical.

"This isn't good," he muttered.

"What isn't?"

Adam jumped then squinted into the branches of the tree on his right, which was where the voice seemed to issue from. His eyes picked out a brownish-reddish scaly creature twined around a thick branch and he gasped. "The snake!"

"Look again." The thing seemed to sigh and then quiver, its skin twisting as it hugged the branch and crawled lower so that he could see it better. Adam quickly realized his error. The snake had legs.

"You're not a snake?"

"No. And never have been. You just never bothered to look closely enough. Quite frankly I found that very insulting and so I don't know if I should be helping you at all."

Adam chuckled at the thought. "No offense, but what could you help me do that I couldn't do a thousand times faster on my own?"

"I could help you pick the correct tree, for one," answered the Serpent. "After that I might teach you how not to turn off the ladies. And after what I've seen trust me, you could use the help."

Adam put his hands on his hips and chuckled again. He looked around to make sure no one could have heard the insult even though he knew that no one else existed who could have. Then he stepped closer to the tree and asked softly, "So, which tree do I eat from?"

"Well, that depends," said the Serpent. Its tone was mocking. Adam didn't appreciate it but knew that he had to play along if he wanted to know the answers.

"Depends on what?"

"Do you want to get smarter, know everything, and be like a god or do you want to die?" the Serpent asked.

"I definitely don't want to die. Why would I want that?"

The Serpent crawled behind a patch of leaves until only its tail was visible. "I don't know. You humans are weird. Who knows why you do what you do?"

"I want to live and I want to know everything," Adam said decisively so that the Serpent wouldn't have any doubts about his desires.

"Why?" The Serpent's voice was an odd mix of surprise and disgust.

"I want to be with Eve but I don't think I'm smart enough for her. I don't want to give her a reason to leave me."

"Who would she leave you for?" asked the serpent, but a moment later it answered its own question, "Oh that's right, she does seem to have a thing for the angels . . ." Its voice trailed off.

"What do you mean, 'thing'?"

"No matter. It's no longer an issue." Changing the subject, it asked, "Have you picked a tree yet?"

Adam felt like the Serpent wasn't telling him something but he wasn't sure exactly what and so he didn't know what he should be suspicious about. He scratched his cheek and said, "The Tree of Knowledge, of course."

"Okay. Now which one is that?"

That's a good question, Adam thought. "I don't know. They're the same. Which one would you choose?"

The Serpent waved its tail back and forth at him. "Ah-ah-ah," it said, "I can't tell you that. Besides, even if I did point out which tree I would choose how could you be sure that I would choose the Tree of Knowledge? I might choose the Tree of Life instead. I might be an adrenaline junkie with a death wish."

"Thanks for being so helpful," muttered Adam, "You know if I had eaten from the Tree of Knowledge already I might even know what half of those words meant." He looked back and forth between the two trees for a few more moments, hoping that maybe if he stared at them long enough their secrets would become clear.

"That's not going to happen," said the Serpent.

"What's not?" asked Adam, startled out of his reverie.

"Staring at them will not make their natures clearer to your simple human brain."

"That's not what I was thinking," Adam lied. He walked a circle around the trees four times. He backed up until he was standing in the river so that he could look at the trees as a whole, which gave him goosebumps all over his legs but no insight into his dilemma. He walked closer to the trees. He touched their bark, which was thin and pale and relatively smooth. He fingered their leaves, brushed his fingertips against the shiny, delicious-looking fruit that dangled just within reach. It was like nothing he had ever seen before and he had only to reach out and grasp it. But from which tree?

"Of course it's what you were thinking. You were also thinking that you have no idea which tree you need to eat from to serve your ultimate goal. If it makes you feel any better, the Tree of Life could either kill you or make you immortal—"

"What's immortal mean?"

"It will make you live forever."

"Ah," said Adam, thinking that that sounded like a pretty good idea.

"But you'd probably choose the wrong one and die, so that might not be the proper path for you to take."

"Thanks," Adam muttered, "You say that as if you know which fruits are which."

"Well, that would be because I do," said the Serpent matter-of-factly.

Adam rushed toward the Serpent and demanded, "Tell me which one to eat! Please! I'll give you anything you want!"

The Serpent stretched its body upward and climbed toward a higher branch. "No, thank you. You just shared your breath with me and if that's representative of what you have to offer then I'm not interested."

The Serpent continued to climb and Adam started to panic. "Wait! Please! Help me!" he cried up into the tree. To his surprise and relief the Serpent stopped and looked back.

"Ask me a question," said the Serpent.

"Okay . . . Um . . . Which fruit should I eat?" asked Adam. He figured it was the simplest and most direct way to get the answer he was looking for.

The Serpent made a horrible buzzing noise in the back of his throat and then said, "Wrong question." Suddenly it cocked its head and stared off into the distance. Adam turned and looked over his shoulder but saw nothing of interest. "You had better hurry if you're going to do this," said the Serpent, "Eve is turning around. She's coming back."

Adam's palms started to sweat and he rubbed them on his thighs but that did little to solve the problem. Rising panic nearly strangled his voice as he asked, "What then? What should I ask? Why won't you just tell me?"

"That'd be no fun at all, human. So go ahead, ask me a question I'll tell you no lies."

The Serpent stared at Adam with its black, beady eyes, which made Adam's heart beat even faster. He couldn't help thinking that if Eve were here she'd know which question to ask. But then he reminded himself that that was the whole reason for doing this, so that he didn't have to depend on Eve so much. Then again, he told himself, you never really depended on Lilith and she went and left you anyway. He started to tell himself to shut up but had a thought. That thought was quickly followed by another and another and suddenly he knew exactly what question to ask.

He felt his cheeks flush as he quickly spat out the words he thought the Serpent wanted to hear. "Which tree did Lilith eat from?"

The Serpent's gaze, which had strayed back to the forest as Adam wrestled with his thoughts, switched focus suddenly to gaze directly at Adam. Something Adam thought looked like a smile curled the corners of the Serpent's mouth. "God job," it said.

"Really? Okay, then," Adam said, very pleased with himself for having figure it out all by himself. "So which was it?"

The Serpent met Adam's gaze and held it for a long time. Adam thought he caught the ghost of something as yet unnamed passing behind those shiny black eyes but it was gone before he could study it further. "She ate from this very tree in which I am now perched," the Serpent answered softly. This is the Tree of Life. The other is the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Which are you going to choose?"

It wasn't even a question. He didn't want to risk dying and doubted the Serpent would tell him which fruits were the deadly ones. He strode boldly over to the Tree of Knowledge and plucked a fruit from the nearest branch. He could have sworn that the tree almost reached down towards him as he stretched to reach the fruit but he couldn't be sure.

"You have made your choice," said the Serpent.

Adam looked over at his audience of one. The Serpent's eyes were open wide and staring hard in his direction, which was a little unnerving, to say the least. But he didn't have time to ponder it further. He had a forbidden fruit to eat. He palmed the fruit and then rubbed his fingers across its bright red surface. On one end the fruit was flat, the red expanse of slightly rough skin nearly unbroken. The other end looked as if something had been blown out of the fruit with a lot of force, because the skin was all stretched out and ended in pointy little bits. He was certain that that wasn't the right end to start with. He chose a nicely rounded side, closed his eyes, opened his mouth, brought the piece of fruit up to it, and then bit down hard.

"Ugh! Blegh! That's so gross!" he muttered, spitting out the bit of tough, bitter skin he had managed to bite off. He looked around for something on which to wipe his tongue to get rid of the taste but there was nothing on this island and he was running out of time. As he stared at the fruit and the pale yellow hole he had managed to create with his teeth, he heard the sound of barely contained laughter. He looked up at the Serpent, which was trying in vain to cover its mouth with its tiny little hands.

"What?" asked Adam. He was done playing games and just wanted this to be over with.

"You can't eat the skin. Even Lilith knew that. I bet if Eve ever decides to grab a piece for herself even she'll know that she has to open it first. But you! You really do take the cake!"

"What's cake?" asked Adam, spitting out a wayward piece of rind. "Would it get rid of this awful taste in my mouth?"

This only made the Serpent laugh harder. In between gasps it said, "Actually yes. But it's not going to be able to help you right now." Adam sighed and the Serpent finally looked up. It seemed to sense Adam's dismay, because it stopped laughing, cleared its throat, and said, "You have to break it open and eat the inside. Try it. You've gone this far so why not go all the way?"

Adam turned his back on the Serpent and cupped the fruit in both hands. Then he dug his fingers into the small hole he had created and twisted his hands in opposite directions. To his surprise the fruit popped open and he was left with two half-circles of rind full of delicate bubbles of burgundy juice. They looked like nothing Adam had ever seen before. But they also looked just like a fruit, nothing overly special about that. He wondered if maybe this was just God's way of playing a practical joke on them. He heard the Serpent snicker again and decided that he had to go through with this. One way or another it would bring an end to his half-imagined existence.

Adam dropped one of the halves and used the fingers of his free hand to scoop out as many of the little juice bubbles as he could. Then he popped them into his mouth and began to chew. Some were sweet as they burst against his tongue, some were sour, and they had little things inside that crunched when he bit down on them. Once he got past how strong the flavors were he kind of liked the taste. He swallowed, turned back to face the Serpent, and dropped the nearly empty husk on the ground.

"So, what now?" he asked.

The Serpent shrugged its tiny shoulders as if to say, "I don't know," and the turned and started climbing back up the tree. Adam watched it go, wondering what it was and if he'd ever see it again. And somewhere in between those wonderings and a sudden, strong craving for shellfish, Adam started to postulate a theory.

The theory hit him so hard that he stumbled and had to steady himself against the Tree of Knowledge to keep from falling completely. His head felt suddenly full, heavy with the weight of the knowledge that was now filling up all of the previously empty space, cataloguing itself, making itself available to him. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with both hands as if to ease the transition from relatively brainless to super genius but he knew better than to think that it would help. It made him think of what had happened to him after sharing those beautiful, intimate moments with an invisible Lilith, how his head had been full of tangents. But whereas those tangents had proven to be useless mental ramblings, the strings of code now unraveling rapidly in his brain were going to be anything but. He needed to write something down.

Adam ran off of the island, leaping over the river and almost making it, but he didn't even notice the chill of the water because his mind was consumed by something else. He searched along the edges of the pristine forest and came upon a long, thin stick. He pulled the excess twigs from the main branch and then ran back over to the mud beside the river. Without pausing he put the stick in the mud and started to draw a line.

* * *

><p>Eve didn't want to go back to Adam just yet but as she reached the end of the path she had been walking her feet turned around, seemingly of their own volition, and carried her back toward the clearing. She tried to stop them. She curled her toes into the dirt with every step, she held onto the trunks of trees as she passed them, she even sat down at once point, which gave her nothing but a sore butt considering her feet just kept on walking. Eventually she was forced to give in, but when she finally entered the clearing it was with crossed arms and a scowl darkening her face.<p>

She was surprised to see Adam near the river, mud smeared from his feet to his thighs, stabbing at the ground with a stick. He appeared to be deep in thought and against her better judgment Eve found herself wondering exactly what had him so interested.

"I'm back," she said as her feet carried her over to the river. She saw as she got closer that Adam wasn't merely jabbing at the ground, he was making strange markings in the mud. Every now and then he would add something with his stick or erase something by smoothing it out with the flat of his hand. He paced, staring intently at the ground the entire time. He didn't even look up when she arrived.

"Adam?" Eve asked, a little miffed at her cold welcome, even though rationally she knew that she was the one who had left in the first place. "Aren't you going to say hello?"

"Oh," said Adam in a very distracted way, "Hi."

"What are you doing? Drawing pictures? I don't get it."

Adam laughed then and looked up at her, his brown eyes full of surprise. "You mean you don't know what this is?"

"No," said Eve, honestly.

"I'm trying to describe the Morris-Thorne wormhole interval," he said, as if that answered everything.

Eve started to nod, then scowled and shook her head. "You've gone batty," she said, thinking that perhaps his simple, delicate brain had snapped when she left him last time. She felt a little bad about it but really, at this time in her life she had to do what was best for her.

"No," said Adam flatly as he added another symbol, "I've gone fruity."

"You gone what—" She started but then she noticed his left hand, the one holding the stick and not covered in mud. His fingers were stained bright pink. Her mind quickly made the connection and she screamed, "You ate from the Tree of Knowledge?"

"Yes. Funny thing is that I did it to impress you but now I think I might be even smarter than you. I'm not sure yet whether this will prove to be a good thing or a bad thing but I am absolutely certain it will prove to be interesting, at the very least."

Eve felt her face growing hot. Then the heat spread downward, encompassing her neck, blossoming within in her chest like a burgeoning fire of righteous indignation. She bit her lip to keep from screaming at him because she knew that he was right. She had never thought to try to create symbols to depict the holes that worms would live in. She didn't exactly see the need for it but at the same time the fact that she didn't understand it could only prove Adam's point. He was smarter than her. For the first time in her life someone without wings was smarter than her. She didn't like it.

Eve paused to consider her options, but only for a moment. It wasn't even an option that she would ever let Adam best her . . . In anything . . . Ever. Part of it was pride, which made her feel slightly icky, but she didn't really care. Part of it was because she knew that she had been cruel sometimes to Adam and she didn't relish the thought of him returning the favor. And part of it was just because she wanted something that could be hers. God had given Adam the grandiose task of naming everything in this newly created world but hadn't given him the mental wherewithal to actually get it done. But she could do it. She _had_ done it. And now Adam wanted in on the action.

"That's not going to happen," Eve muttered.

"What?" asked Adam, not bothering to look up from his symbols. He knelt and brought his muddy hand to his chin as he pondered something scrawled in the sand before him. When he finally moved to erase the symbol in question he had a mud beard. Eve didn't bother to point it out. He was so engrossed in his work he probably wouldn't even have cared.

"Nevermind," she said as she looked up at the forbidden trees. She glanced once more at Adam but he was lost in his own little world. She made up her mind.

Stepping over Adam's calculations (she wasn't a completely horrible person, after all), she waded through the frigid river and within moments she stood in front of the identical trees, wondering which tree was which. Of course, there was an easy way to find the answer. Adam was engrossed in what he was doing and when he was engrossed he rarely paid attention to what was going on around him, much less to what was actually coming out of his mouth.

Eve called over her shoulder, "Adam, which tree did you eat from?"

"The one on the left."

Adam had no reason to lie to her. Despite his sudden increase in brain power she suspected that he was still a tad naïve. As she reached her hand into the tree to pick one of the luscious-looking red fruits off of a nearby branch, her heart began to pound. She was nervous, so nervous, in fact, that she had trouble grasping the fruit because her hand had started to shake. After two tries she was able to get her nerves under control and pull the fruit off of the tree.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" asked a voice to her right and she turned toward it. The Serpent was lounging in a Y-shaped formation of branches, its body bent at a strange angle as it watched her with unblinking eyes.

"Yes," said Eve decisively.

"You just can't stand that he's smarter than you now. Is that it?"

"Sort of," she admitted, "But that's not all."

"Of course it's not all, Eve. You're more than he is. You're brilliant and you cannot let that brilliance be dampened by some fly-by-night smarty-pants."

Eve turned to her left now to see the new speaker, Satan, approaching from the other side of the small island. Her insides did tiny loop-de-loops and her legs turned to mushy, inconsistent stuff as she recalled their last meeting. "Hi, Satan," said Eve.

"Hi, Eve," said Satan. "Hi, Snake."

"Hi, dumbass," said the Serpent.

"So Eve," said Satan, ignoring the Serpent's attempt to get a rise out of him, "I understand what you're doing and I must say that I applaud it. I also wonder why it took you do long to reach this point. I mean, you've known for quite a while that there's nothing here for you."

Eve blushed and gestured over her shoulder to Adam, who wasn't currently looking at them. "But Adam . . ."

"Adam? Look at him! Even now that this magnificent tree has given him the knowledge of good and evil and therefore the power to do anything, he's over there inventing time travel."

At this Eve's eyes lit up with interest. "What's time travel?"

"The ability to go back and forth in time, you know, to fix your mistakes and such," answered the Serpent. "It's pretty cool."

"And that's possible?" she asked.

Satan answered, "Of course it is."

"What does it have to do with worms living in holes?" asked Eve, intrigued and suddenly eager to understand the things that Adam already understood. Perhaps, for the first time they'd be able to have a conversation on the same level. The possibility was exciting on several levels.

This got her all excited and without waiting for an answer she tore open the fruit and brought half of it up to her mouth. And then she hesitated. She looked over at Satan. His eyes were wide and a grin was spread across his face. Then to the Serpent that had a disaffected look about it, as if it didn't care what was happening, only wanted to insert itself into the situation to cause problems.

Eve took a bite. It was messier than she thought it would be. The rind cupped her chin and surrounded her mouth completely. As the little bubbles of delicious juice burst in her mouth they set off a series of explosions in her brain that took her to her knees. She became acutely aware of the world around her, as if someone just turned up the volume and the contrast and the sunlight all at once. The effect was overwhelming and she closed her eyes against it but inside the effect was even stronger. She knew immediately which of her actions were wrong, such as spending quality naked time with both Satan and Gabriel, and which of those were good, like the time Adam accidentally discovered fire and nearly immolated himself. She understood wormholes and knew why Adam's equation wasn't working.

And she also became acutely aware of something inside her. Something foreign. Something breathing as she breathed, eating as she ate. She didn't know how and she didn't know why but her body was creating something.

She gingerly touched her lower abdomen. She couldn't feel anything on the surface but now that she knew it was there she wondered how it had ever gone unnoticed.

"Are you going to tell Adam?" asked the Serpent.

"Why?" asked Eve, not really understanding the question, "He doesn't have anything to do with it."

The Serpent sighed, closed its eyes, and said, "You might be right about that." A moment later it began to glow. As the glow got brighter Eve averted her eyes. From across the river she heard Adam calling out her name and from behind her Satan said, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Later, babe."

Eve had no idea what was happening and so she kept her eyes closed until the brightness faded to a more tolerable level. And then she chanced a peek.

Once He realized that He had her attention God hopped down from the tree and floated gently to the ground. He scowled at her first, then shifted his scowl to Adam. "You guys are in sooooooo much trouble."

"Oh, God!" cried Adam as he dropped to his knees and bowed low, touching his forehead to the ground and weeping openly. "We have displeased you!"

Eve rolled her eyes and asked, "It's 'cuz of the fruit, huh?"

"'Cuz of the fruit."

"But you egged us on. How can you punish us for doing something that you wanted us to do?"

"Because I told you not to do it when I put you here."

Adam sat up and wiped at the large, muddy blotch on his forehead. "She has a point, you know, God. I know you told me which tree to eat from. If you didn't want us to eat from the trees then why would you help me? Why wouldn't you warn me away?"

"Exactly," said Eve. She stood up and folded her arms across her chest, certain that they were in the right.

God shrugged. "So I'm inconsistent. Trust me when I say that this isn't exactly breaking news. I didn't want you to eat from the trees at first. But then you guys were just such crushing _bores_. You weren't doing anything of any interest, aside from your carnal activities, but even those were too little too late so I felt like I had to get down here and meddle just a little to keep you on your toes."

"What?" asked Eve. She wasn't sure she was hearing Him correctly, so she asked, "You made us disobey you because you thought we were boring?"

"I didn't _make_ you do anything. You have free will. I may have steered you in a direction but it was up to you to do what you felt was right, to choose whom you will serve, Me or yourselves. Lucky for me you both chose poorly."

Eev closed her eyes. There had to be a way out of this and after only a moment her thoughts coalesced on the only thing she could think of that might be able to help. "Where's Michael?" she blurted. She had the impression that Michael was loved and respected by God and so if anyone could talk God out of the harshest punishment it would be him.

"Nice try. Michael's busy at the moment. _Someone_ set a pack of wild dingoes free in Heaven and he's helping the other angels to round them up."

"You needed him distracted so he wouldn't intervene." Despite her disappointment Eve had to admit that God had planned this out perfectly. "Nice job."

"I know."

"What's going to happen to us?" asked Adam, who was still on his knees on the opposite bank.

"Oh, you guys are so out of here. I can't have you mucking around in the Garden anymore now that you've lost your privileges and now that you have a taste for sin I can't risk you eating from the Tree of Life. This is not going to be easy for you, Adam. You're going to have to work hard for everything you get, toil over the land, raise animals, build a shelter."

"A shelter?" asked Adam, confusion carved deeply into every feature on his face. Eve almost felt sorry for him because he seemed so at a loss. Well, she thought with much snark, at least he has his massive intellect to help him out now.

He turned to Eve, "Don't think you're getting off easy. You ate the fruit, too, and you did it out of jealousy, which I've decided is a really bad thing that deserves much punishment. So you should know that childbirth is going to suck."

"What's childbirth?" asked Eve.

God smiled michievously and clapped his hands. The sound echoed so loudly in Eve's ears that she closed her eyes and clamped her hands over her ears to block the noise. And then it ended.

She opened her eyes.

The Garden was gone.

Adam stood beside her, the look on his face a mixture of horror, guilt, fear, and utter confusion. Around them in all directions was a nearly barren landscape of yellow sand dotted here and there with copses of tangled trees, rocks, and patches of limp, dry grass. The sky was a harsh and cloudless blue and Eve shielded her eyes to try to see further. There was nothing else to see. They were banished. They were alone.

She heard someone speaking and turned around. Adam was on his knees, muttering prayers.

Eve reorganized her thoughts. _She_ was alone. And apparently she had this terrible thing called childbirth to look forward to. She sighed and started walking across the desert toward the nearest copse of trees, leaving Adam behind her to finish his prayers to a cruel and impulsive God who took pleasure from tormenting them. She had better things to do, such as finding shelter and food, for she was suddenly famished.

God was right, thought Eve, this is going to suck.

**Author's note: **Thank you everyone who followed along with this story, especially those who took the time to write a review. Like every other writer on here I do so love the reviews. And though it's the end of Adam and Eve's time in the Garden of Eden their story certainly didn't stop there, so neither will mine. The next part of this timeless saga will involve a little feminism, a modicum of incest, and a huge helping of sibling rivalry.

I'll be taking some time off from writing here to finish some other writing projects, but I have another story I've been working on for a long time that I'm going to start posting on Fanfic's sister site, Fictionpress. It's an original story, and a supernatural romance to boot, so if that's up your alley please look me up. my moniker is the same on the other site because . . . well . . . why not?

I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have. Thank you again for reading and I'll see you all for the next installment of hilarious irreverence.

**Credits for random stuff I used in the story:**

The Morris-Thorne wormhole interval is from _Modern Relativity _by David Waite. (I won't pretend I understood any of it but it sounds impressive.)

The Rolling Stones

The Rocky Horror Picture Show by Richard O'Brien & Jim Sharman.


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